Short Batman Comic Book Review: Detective Comics 871

Written By:  Scott Snyder
Art:  Jock
BackUp feature art:  Francesco Francavilla

Oh my God, somebody at DC remembered that Batman is supposed to be a detective who solves mysteries.

That is all. 


(I also liked this comic, btw.)

Review you don't need: Young Justice premiere on Cartoon Network

Last night Cartoon Network debuted their newest show for what's becoming a sort of all-ages action block (other shows include Star Wars Clone Wars, Generator Rex, Sym-Bionic Titan, and Ben 10).  Based very loosely upon DC's long-defunct Young Justice title (written entirely by Peter David, if memory serves), this cartoon pulls together some of the teen-aged side-kicks of the DCU into a team, but unlike its predecessor, Teen Titans, this series clearly takes place within the larger, more expansive DCU and acknowledges the legacy aspect of the DCU as the major plotpoint. 

Lately I've been thinking a lot about how, online, some comic reviewers give Smallville critcism for playing to the DC Comics fanbase with familiar names, etc... from DC Comics.  Frankly, I'm not sure I really understand the snark anymore.  Once you move the character of Superman into the DCU proper, it kind of only makes sense that you DO show those characters and/ or use them when appropriate.  "Fanwank" or not, the DCU has been around for 75 years across just thousands of titles.  Why not use those things?

One thing that has never made sense to me (except from a logistical standpoint in the editorial offices at DC) is why DC hasn't treated Teen Titans as an academy for the Justice League (just as New Mutants was for X-Men).  I understand that there was a certain "rebellion" factor in Teen Titans, but after Wolfman's run on the book, it often wound up feeling a bit like the adult figures shuttling the kids off for the weekend.  David's Young Justice somewhat addressed this issue, and in addition to some branding issues, I can understand why the developers of this cartoon picked up

This show was very, very heavily into DCU continuity without making it a blocker for understanding or accessing the show.  The story begins with several "sidekicks" given their first access to the Justice League's HQ (The HALL OF JUSTICE), only to learn that the Justice League is giving their sidekicks use of the coffeebar and library (seriously) but not including them on the actual team, Green Arrow's sidekick, Speedy, walks out on the the JLA.  Soon, the remaining sidekicks (Robin, Aqualad and Fid Flash) decide to pick up a small emergency the JLA dropped in order to deal with a planetary threat.

And shenanigans ensue.

A secret lab is dicovered, a Superboy liberated, badguys thwarted, alliances forged, property damaged, threats suggested and authority figures challenged.

Its an interesting take.  These sidekicks are in their late teens, and they make a compelling case with "why train us up if you don't intend for us to play ball?".  After all, none of these superheroes are parents to their sidekicks, and expectation of a full partnership isn't completely unreasonable, and appeals both to kids watching the show and to, frankly, all of us who were left wondering why we were sitting at the kids' table when we felt we'd moved beyond that point (ie:  all of us).

In some ways its stunning how much of an effect Kirby had on DC despite his relatively small output at the company in comparison to tons of other creators.  Kirby developed Project Cadmus during his run on Superman's Pal, Jimmy Olsen (seriously), as well as reviving/ revising his own creation, the Golden Age character The Guardian, who had been a part of the 1940's-ish Newsboys series, and, of course, Dubbilex, all of whom appear in the episode.  "Blockbuster" was a Bronze Age Batman villain on, I think, Earth-2, but who pops up from time to time. 

I'll be honest, when DC introduced Superboy during the Reign of the Supermen storyline, I wasn't a fan (he was supposed to be a clone grown at Cadmus to replace Superman should he die.  Which, of course, he just had).  Kon-El was depicted in a way that I always found off-putting and, frankly, kind of dim and demonstrative of the limitations of DC's stable of writers. Geoff Johns' reimagining of Kon-El in the rebooted Teen Titans went terrifically far to rehabilitate a broken character, giving him something resembling self-awareness and concern about his relationship to the "S", and its that version that seems to have popped out of the cloning tube in this show.

The show also saw the introduction of Miss Martian to animation and helped usher in the new Aqualad, as seen in the pages of Brightest Day (a comic I haven't actually read yet, but DC and the animatiuon department decided to work together to develop the character).  And, as I understand it, we'll also see a different take on Artemis, who is Wonder Woman's sort of frenemy in the comics, but here will be portrayed as a sidekick. 

The story is kind of nuts and bolts basics, but its a very, very good start.  I think they picked an appropriate scale for a threat, demonstrating both the strengths and weaknesses of the concept of the junior team, and they aren't screwing around with "is this the DCU or isn't it?" that became a meta-issue with the last Teen Titans series.  We've not only seen Superman and the entirety of the Justice League, but seen Superman kind of flip out realizing he's been cloned.  Batman making a difficult but reasonable decision.  And we've now got a very interesting way to give kids and adults new to the DCU a way to look at the DCU that won't make them feel like they're reading "dad comics". 

I was never a fan of the original Aqualad, but I am curious about the new one (this isn't Garth, who was like a weaker, dumber Aquaman).  Haven't quite figured out exactly what his powers are, and I really don't know anything about his history, but he seems to have Aquaman levels of strength, which is cool, plus some sort of "water power game grips". 

With the wide cast of the JLA shown (including Zatara, which seems random at first blush), I expect that we'll see more and more of the younger cast rolled out.  Surely Speedy isn't gone forever.  And where walks Zatara, won't we seen Zatanna? 

Anyhow, very promising start.

How is everyone's Thanksgiving going?

Hey!

How's your Thanksgiving going?  Ours is going pretty well. 

Yesterday we had a lovely Thanksgiving dinner at League HQ with Jamie's folks, my folks, Jason, Susan, Ciara, Heather and JuanD.  Then we watched the Cowboys AND the Longhorns... lose.  We had as traditional a Thanksgiving meal as you can likely imagine, complete with discussion of "we are thankful to be living in the 21st Century".

It was all a lot of fun.  Sort of.  Stupid Longhorns.  Next year, right?

Anyway, let me know how your Thanksgiving is going.  Did you go to the Friday doorbuster sales?  Watch football?  Eat Turkey?  Are you home, alone in your boxers eating a Hungry Man dinner?

Thanksgiving Day Thankful Post

Lady Liberty leads two turkeys to their doom

As the writer of a personal blog site (such as it is), I think I'm legally obligated to state what it is I'm thankful for.

So, sure...  Thanksgiving

1. Jamie
2. Family
3. Friends
4. A good job
5. A lovely home
6. 21st Century Technology
7. Safety and health for all
8. Doggies and Kitty
9. a life filled with good things
10. a life in which I can choose to make of it what I want

So we've got that list closed up and we can all agree my priorities are not completely out of whack 

But why not talk about the stuff that I'm thankful for that isn't the "yes, let us all observe The League's good fortune"?  Let's be thankful for some of the other things. 

1)  The casting director for Mad Men.  For s/he has given us the female cast of Mad Men.

2)  The 2011 UT Longhorn Football Season
The fact that there is always next year means there is always hope for a better season.  (I keep telling people "they're just resting up for next year")


3)  Superman Stuff
In some ways, I'm as surprised as you guys are that Superman and Superman-related media, history, etc... has continued to be of such interest to me.  And its been an interesting year to be a Superman fan.  Not necessarily a great year, but an interesting year.


4)  Audiobooks
As adulthood and, well, the internet happened, I fell off reading as much as I did at one point in my life.  But thanks to the power of iTunes, a mid-range commute and a job that requires lots of driving, I'm now cranking through a decent number of books once again.

5)  Too Much Time at the Movies
I am glad I live in a town where there's so much offered at the theater, at the Alamo, a few film festivals, the Paramount summer series and so much more.  This summer I lived downtown at the theater, and I appreciate Jamie's patience when I announce things like "I'm gonna not come home.  'Captain Blood' is playing.".

6)  HBO OnDemand
Having HBO OnDemand when I'm working out is one of the greatest inventions since bread met the slicer.  I'm sort of ADD, and I don't know how people do it who just listen to whatever's on their iPod.  I go with Eastbound and Down.

7)  Coffee/ Caffeine
I don't talk about it much (compared to some), but my blood is generally .08 coffee bean.  I heart you, coffee.  You make mornings work.  And afternoons around 2:45.  And all other hours of the day.

8)  The internet knows everything
Our younger readers won't remember life before the internet made it possible to answer any trivia question within three minutes, but I heart the fact that not only is the technology there, but that people keep putting something resembling facts online.  You kids today don't even know...

9) Kanye West, his Twitter Account, and whatever it is Kanye is up to today
He's been tweeting a bit less lately, but there are few things as amazing as the stream of consciousness that has been Kanye's Twitter account.  http://twitter.com/#!/kanyewest
And then the video for his latest song came out, and, well...  I'm still thankful for all that.
Here you go.  Kill 35 or so minutes.

10)  Dames
Because why the hell not?

Brooksie demands your thanks

I guess that's dames on there twice, technically, but I think that's just emphasizing the point.  Plus, you know, I come home to a pretty great dame everyday, and you can't beat that.

this one




So, not exactly the same as being glad you didn't die of the pox during your first year on a continent you believe is home to the embodiment of the devil just beyond the treeline, but I can be grateful for the little things, I think.

I have no idea what is going on here, but it isn't wrong

More True Facts of Thanksgiving!

I am afraid that in my haste to share with you the True Story of Legally Required Thanksgiving, I forgot to relay a crucial chapter in the tale.

Upon pondering the fearsome fate that could befall us all at the hands of the Turkey Goblins, you may ask: "if the Turkey Goblins pose such a threat to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, Why the Presidential Pardon?".

Why the Presidential Pardon each holiday, indeed...

On April of 1945, the Allies were making tremendous progress in the European Theater.  Berlin would fall in the next month, but President Franklin Delano Roosevelt would not live to see the Allies take Germany, nor would he live to see VJ Day by the end of the summer.  With his passing on April 12, 1945, Harry S. Truman would assume the presidency.  And with that, the Secret Knowledge and responsibilities bestowed upon the President of the United States of America.

While the most famous weapon developed as an extreme measure during WWII was, undoubtedly, The Bomb (and clearly a product of Mad Science rather than Boring Science, which was developing better ways to starch a collar and ways to use lemon juice as invisible ink for most of the war), the wily scientists of the USA had more than one iron in the fire.   The Bomb was the most famous, but other, possibly deadlier plans were still being investigated.

While the story of Coolidge's discovery of Lincoln's secret headquarters is a fascinating tale, it will have to wait for another day.*  But suffice it to say, Coolidge's discovery meant the records of the Turkey Goblin Adventure had fallen into the hands of the US War Department where they had been stored in Secret Bunker X, where they had remained until the morning of June 8, 1942, when, after Midway, the US had finally just plain had it and began looking for options.

By July of 1942, Mad Science had come a long way, and in oh-so-controlled circumstances US Scientists began keeping a coop of turkeys, all of whom had tested positive for tryptophan.  They knew it would take at least a year and a half to see real results, and while few would call the horrendous deaths of several graduate students a "success", by August of 1943, the US had on its hands 6 Turkey Goblins who they knew were capable of quick and merciless slaughter (especially of unsuspecting graduate assistants).

Deployed in the Pacific Theater in the fall of 1943 with the assistance of Private First Class Lee Marvin, the Turkey Goblins were an expeditionary force, sent to islands considered suicide missions for even the iron-tough US Marines.  Across a year and a half, small batches of Turkey Goblins were deployed, serving with distinction and, ultimately, giving up their lives.

Artist's interpretation of one of the Fighting 999th

A month after taking office President Truman learned of the bravery of the Turkey Goblins at Iwo Jima, with only one Turkey Goblin (or T.G. Joe, as they were affectionately known by the Pacific fleet) still alive, Truman is said to have called home this last gobbling soldier.  What is known is that Truman, himself, flew secretly out to West Virginia to an undisclosed location where the Turkey Goblin was said to be kept.  What words passed between Turkey and President, none can say.  Nor does any man know what became of that Turkey Goblin.

What we do know is that after this meeting, President Truman became particularly sentimental about Turkeys.  And so, it is supposed that between Truman's access to the secret knowledge of the history of the Turkey Goblins and how he had seen them deployed in the Pacific, that he could never bring himself to see another gobbler harmed.

In 1947, Truman pardoned the Turkey brought to the White House.  It is said that upon leaving the Oval Office, he has left special instructions to each successor to read, detailing why the pardoning of the Turkey must be done.  Some have pardoned the Turkey.  Some have not, but the pardoning of a symbolic Turkey each and every year holds special significance not just to the pact between Turkey and Man, but as a coded message from President to President. 

President Truman's affection for our feathered friends and his awareness of our uneasy alliance would haunt him well past the end of his term

The Signal Watch is not a politically bent site, but we would point out that the pact that seems to have been forged Man and Turkey Goblin by US Presidents may fall apart should Sarah "What Else is in the Shot?" Palin take the Oval Office.

The Turkeys have not forgotten the former Governor's 2008 post-pardon interview and the slaughter of their young that occurred while Palin stood by, remorseless, as the television cameras rolled.  One shudders to think of what might occur should Palin ascend to the White House and the Turkey Goblins, quiet and dormant living just beyond our line of site for so long, take her election as a sign of aggression.


*Seriously, it's a pretty good story.

I actually left my house and saw a show: Dresden Dolls

A few years ago I believe I misspoke, and as we strive for accuracy at the Signal Watch, I want to correct myself.  In 2009 I said:

Have been listening to "Who Killed Amanda Palmer?" which sort of begs the question of how necessary the other half of "Dresden Dolls" really is

I fully retract that statement and think its a good time to point out that the recordings and albums of Dresden Dolls don't do justice to Brian Viglione's actual skill, talent and showmanship.  Dude isn't just technically proficient, he's also just as much a part of the show as Palmer, which is saying something.

this is a rock show as seen by my crummy camera in my phone

I mostly no longer talk about music on this site as, seriously, its like arguing your favorite color.  But I did go see Dresden Dolls here in Austin on Sunday night.  For a two-person combo, they more than managed to knock my socks off and fill the stage.  They played 3 hours straight (after a really solid set by San Antonio's Girl in a Coma, who I will be making Jason go see)  and I guess I knew 70-80% of the material.  But if I had any doubts, their finale was a cover of Sabbath's War Pigs, which...

Well, it was weird.  I attended the show with a work colleague who mentioned the band Warpaint, and it was loud in there, and I thought she said "War Pigs", and so I had "War Pigs" on the brain, anyway...  and so when they actually played "War Pigs"...  it kind of melted my brain.  Apparently this is an old number from pre-hiatus, but I didn't know that.

And then I just downloaded the new album from Girl Talk (its free, btw), and what's the first track he uses?

Sabbath is haunting me at every move.

Palmer from someone else's much better camera

Dresden Dolls also covered Neutral Milk Hotel's "Two Headed Boy", "Pirate Jenny" from the actual Threepenny Opera and a few other tunes.

That's not to say they didn't play their own stuff.  And, apparently (according to the band themselves online today) Dresden Dolls played their longest set ever in Austin.  So, go figure.  I guess they just liked the crowd.

Palmer and Viglione are surely putting on a rock show, but, yeah, if you think you can pick up someone's love of showtunes off the recording, on stage, its just cranked up to 11.  In a way, even if you don't love their actual music, its a good show, and that's not something too many bands know how to do.

Viglione takes aim

What really surprised me was how they killed on some of their songs I like best, like "Delilah" (for which they brought out Nina, from Girl in a Coma), "The Jeep Song" (for which they brought 20 or so folks from the audience onto the stage), "Ultima Esperanza" and "Mandy Goes to Medschool".  I didn't expect them to NOT play them well, but I was just surprised that they seemed like showcase pieces in the set.  So...  there you go.

Anyway, a fun night.  And while I wasn't the oldest one at the show, it was definitely true that the audience was definitely a bit younger.  Kids.  Ah, well.

Why CN's "Sym-Bionic Titan" is the best Space Fantasy/ Sci-Fi/ Giant Robot/ High School show on TV

Those of us in the know watched Samurai Jack, by the great Genndy Tartatovsky. His new show is Sym-Bionic Titan, and it is awesome.

That's Flock of Seagulls' "Space Age Love Song" playing while a giant robot fights a mega-monster from space. And, yeah, that's a girl who just unwittingly fell in love with a robot.

Happy Thanksgiving Week!

In 1940, you could look hungover and still be Super

JimD sent me this picture from The Retroist.  Absolutely great picture of the first Superman float, debuting just a year and a half after Superman's first appearance in comics.  I absolutely love this picture, partially because I'd never seen this balloon before, and partially because, well...  20th Century America.  She had her moments.

I am unsure of the frequency of posting as we move into the US's Thanksgiving Week.  I hope that you find a table with friends and family.  Give thanks for what you've got.  Eat some appropriate meal (I am getting hungry just thinking about turkey and cranberries), and try not to get into a full-blown political debate with the in-laws.

For more on the TRUTH behind Thanksgiving, you can read Sunday's column.

And, of course, on Thanksgiving night I'll be watching the mighty UT Longhorns battle the lowly Aggies of Texas A&M on television while they duke it out a few miles up the road from us at League HQ at UT Austin's Memorial Stadium.

Who knows, we could win a game...

Because elsewhere in 1940:

Behind this lovely/aggressive co-ed, you can see my family's coat of arms.

As per the traditional Thanksgiving match-up in 1940 the UT Longhorns went up against the Texas A&M Aggies, the reigning National Champions.  Knowing the task before his team, the legendary Coach Bible distributed the following poem to his team:

"It Couldn't Be Done" by Edgar Guest

There are thousands to tell you it cannot be done,
There are thousands to prophesy failure;
There are thousands to point out to you, one by one
The dangers that wait to assail you.
But just buckle in with a bit of a grin,
Just take off your coat and go to it;
Just start to sing as you tackle the thing
That 'cannot be done,' and you'll do it.

And thus:

Noble Doss and the Impossible Catch

Thanks to a nigh-magical pass and catch, UT beat Texas A&M 7-0, upsetting their feared rivals.

From the Statesman:

Less than one minute into the game, Texas halfback Noble Doss made an over-the-shoulder, eyes-shut grab that put the ball on the Aggies 1-yard-line, setting up Pete Layden's touchdown plunge. Texas then grimly held on for a 7-0 win.

That's roughly 59 minutes of a defense deciding that they were going to hold the line.  And that is awesome.  And something, surely, UT's 2010 squad could learn from.

But, you know, no matter how tough it looks, I have to have faith that by miracle, mistake, hook or by crook, the Longhorns could take the day.

The Completely True Origin of the Thanksgiving Holiday

"So," I said to Jamie, "Thanksgiving is coming.  Are you ready for your visit from the Turkey Goblin?"
"Turkey Goblin?"
"Yeah.  The Turkey Goblin."
"What is the Turkey Goblin?"
I, of course, was shocked.  But it occured to me that not everyone knows about the Turkey Goblin or the completely true story of the secret origin of Thanksgiving.  Luckily for you, I've got a history degree from a state university, and this is exactly the sort of thing we learn in class.

While it is true that in olden times when people drowned old crones to see if they were witches, some fairly misguided Englishmen fled the UK in a leaky boat and landed at Plymouth Rock where they would commence being all judgey and breaking bread with the locals... that's at best tangential to the true story of the Turkey Goblin.  But as an historical sidenote, the facts as they pertain to today's Thanksgiving that are true include:

• Around Plymouth rock, with a solid blunderbuss and decent aim, one could find and shoot a turkey
• A sort of "oh, we're not all dead of the pox yet.  Thanks, God!" dinner was held, and some locals came by once they heard a potluck was going down
• Pilgrim women were invariably super sexy, right down to their buckled little shoes
• Abigail saw Goody Proctor with the devil

This was, of course, all before SCIENCE.

As you know, Thomas Jefferson and Benjamin Franklin made up Western Science, with Jefferson working on Boring Science, while Franklin worked to perfect Awesome (aka: Mad) Science, including his famous attempts to destroy Philadelphia with lightning, a key and a length of twine.

The key figure in our story is, of course, Abraham Lincoln, who in October of 1863 (more than 100 years after Science was invented) declared Thanksgiving a National Holiday.  And while we can all agree that Lincoln's Thanksgiving Proclamation was heartfelt, honest and one of the great works of American historical-type writing whatzit, it's also an elaborate cover story and smokescreen cooked up by a President who knew his people should never, ever know the truth. 

Lincoln is here to tell you:  It is hard out there for a pimp

By Spring of 1863, the war between the States had raged for two long years, pitting citizen against citizen, brother against brother. Things seemed to be going poorly for the North, who could not believe they were losing an honest-to-god War to the fiddle-dee-dee-spewing, slack jawed racist yokels of the South.  In early May, after the second Battle of Fredricksburg, intelligence fell into the hands of the Union forces.  The reports were stupefying and near unbelievable, but there seemed to be a grain of truth as they pulled together clues that otherwise made no sense.

What had become of SCIENCE in the Confederate states?  What had the devious Jefferson Davis chartered them to do?  And what did the reports of whole regiments wiped out by beasts truly mean?

The answer was, of course, completely shocking.

At the outset of the war, Jefferson Davis had set about collecting the finest Scientists of the South (those not schooled exclusively in the Southern Sciences of moonshining, deep-frying and inventing NASCAR), and began a top secret project.  By the Fall of 1862, the project had proven a small success and that winter, Union Troops trembled on the field of battle before the might of 7-foot, Confederate Turkey Goblins.

Receiving dispatches at his Top Secret Underground Command Center, Lincoln considered each bit of evidence anew, and the report was grim.  Indeed, it seemed the nefarious SCIENCE minds of the south had gone ROGUE SCIENTIST, and the turkeys of the South had been mutated and weaponized.  From an egg, turkeys would grow at a normal rate for up to a year and a half, at which point...  they swelled to tremendous size and ferocity, and could follow simple commands, such as "go kill all those guys over there."  Lincoln's blood ran cold.  Pensively, he fiddled with the brim on his stove-pipe hat.  Northern researchers, who were from real colleges and not made up diploma mills like Mizzou and LSU, would still need time, and time was not what they had.  And the thought of fighting Giant Goblin Turkeys with Giant Goblin Turkeys...  the fallout was unthinkable, let alone what the nation would do with these beasts once the fighting was done.

But Davis' scientists had only succeeded so far in producing a small batch of Turkey Goblins.  They had not yet been announced to a wary Southern public, who, Davis believed, would likely wish to fry them or ask for both a giant duck and a giant chicken to shove within his prized new force and cook them up.

Lincoln picked up the red phone (he also had secretly already invented the telephone) and called together an elite squad, which he himself would lead into the South.  The names are now mostly meaningless to Americans:  Samuel Clemens, Frederick "The Fist" Douglass, Undead Davey Crockett, and "Tiny" Thomas Edison - Boy Inventor.

Frederick "The Fist" Douglass was a master of hand-to-hand combat and invented the 8-Track Cassette

What is known is that the team dropped in by line from their air-balloon insertion vehicle, and were able to dispatch the existing Turkey Goblins with a thrice-blessed silver blunderbuss and shot made from silver, iron, argon and forged in the flames of a sacrificial fire and cooled in holy water.  However, to their horror, the squad learned that part of Davis' mad scheme was to release a version of the virus that created the Turkey Goblins into the water supply,coding that virus with a message to kill "Americans", believing that the Confederacy would certainly succeed, and, in his maddened state, that only those in the North could possibly ever be affected.  Insisting that he would stop Davis' mad scheme, Lincoln learned that this plan was something Davis had actually put into motion days before.

After kicking Davis' ass and escaping, Lincoln and his team weighed their options.  Turkeys were plentiful, and lived all over the US.  The team had learned that the only sign that a turkey had the potential to mutate to a Turkey Goblin was that it would carry an odd chemical in its blood, something harmless to humans and the turkey, called tryptophan.

Master of all manner of vehicles, languages and seduction techniques, Clemens seems to have disappeared behind a pseudonym following the Turkey Goblin mission, never to be heard from again.

And that's when the young but clever former steam boat worker, Clemens, had an idea:  if we can't kill all the turkeys, let's, once a year, ensure a culling of the population before it grows and mutates.  Once a year, let's ensure a mass extermination of the birds while people can still eat them.

Lincoln looked at the blood-spattered blunderbuss in his hands, his own reflection glinting in the silver:  "The pilgrims, psychotic zealots that they were, may have given us an out on this one.  Men, we're going to give Thanks.  And we're going to do it each and every year, whether our brethren wish it or no...  We here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain—that this nation, under God, shall have a new birth of freedom—and that government of the people, by the people, for the people, and in no way for a horrific new breed of murderous seven foot turkey goblins, shall not perish from the earth."

Douglass designed the messaging, Clemens helped run the PR campaign,  "Tiny" Edison invented a special pair of forks for turning turkeys over in a pan, and Undead Davey Crockett returned to his subterranean tomb where he lay, waiting to be called once again into service in the name of freedom.

On October 3, 1863, Lincoln brought the reign of terror to an end as later that November, the population of turkeys was culled before it could rise up and destroy us.

That's not to say that every once in a while a turkey doesn't make it through and grow and change.  And sometimes the Turkey Goblin comes for you in the night, its horrible "gobble gobble gobble" the last thing some men hear.

And that is the completely true story of why we have Thanksgiving.

Beware his terrifying gobble

 But, honestly, I have no idea why Canada has Thanksgiving, too.  Those dudes are totally in the clear.