Regret Watch: Jaws - The Revenge (1987)

Watched:  07/13/2025

Format:  Prime

Viewing:  Second (god help me)

Director:  Stanley Morgan

A while back, SimonUK and I podcasted this trainwreck.  Over the past six years, I'd forgotten how truly terrible this movie is.  Like - I don't understand how this is a studio movie with professional actors, and studio backing and intended for a human audience.

It's maybe not the worst movie I've ever seen, but.. for a studio movie?   it's up there.

Jaws: the Revenge (1987) is a movie that admits - in movie, by way of recycled footage - that the only reason it exists is that they hope you liked the first one.  But they have to admit, they do not know what this movie is about.  Because if it's about a giant shark, they all know to stay out of the water.  If it's about the lives of the Brody's, post-Martin Brody's untimely passing - no one asked or wanted to see it, and as a slice-of-life movie about mourning, they forget to be sad for the second half of the movie, and the movie instead gets very randy.

On grief: this movie is about the Brody's dealing with the death of the younger son, Sean, when is eaten by a shark who has LURED HIM OUT TO SEA WITH JUNK HE MUST CLEAR.  Like, they don't say the shark did it on purpose, but it is heavily implied.

The shark then follows the Brody's from Amityville all the way to the Bahamas.  In like three days.  It's insane.

Ellen Brody - a notably well-performed supporting character in the original Jaws and Jaws 2 - is our lead, kinda, and is still played by Lorraine Gary, but now with massive shoulder pads on her clothes and a hair style inspired by the pyramids of Giza.

It's impossible not to note that Lorraine Gary was the wife of Sid Sheinberg (now passed), a highly successful producer and studio executive - who happened to be the guy who worked with Zanuck, et al, to get Jaws made.  

I love my wife (hey, Jamie!) but my take is: I'm not going to put Jamie in a movie unless it's significantly better than Jaws: The Revenge (1987).  That's my love language.  That said, this movie was shot in the Bahamas and I can see the appeal of taking a luxury vacation on Universal's dime.

If you're like "but, The League...  doesn't Jaws take place in Amityville?  An East Coast Island village?"  You are correct, imaginary questioner.  The first two do.  The third is in Florida, maybe.  But in this movie, the shark...  for reasons... is seeking revenge on the Brody bloodline.  

Revenge? A shark?  Yes.  We know this because the movie wants to happen and so, here in the 4th installment, we insert psychic powers and magic.  Apparently there was supposed to be voodoo in the movie, but it was cut at some point, leaving, instead, just oddball psychic connections between Lorraine Gary and shark footage/ clips of the first film.  

But who is the shark?  Why is it seeking bloody revenge on these specific land-apes?  Was it the partner of the shark killed by the crew of the Orca?  Or the sister of the shark killed in Jaws 2?  As a shark, did it harbor thoughts of revenge for years?   How does it know where the Brody's are?  HOW IS IT SO FAST?  Was it on the plane with the Brody's?  This movie could have used a shark in sunglasses, fedora and overcoat shadowing them in the airport.

The surviving son is played by Last Starfighter hero, Lance Guest, who is given a weird and confusing storyline where he seems to mostly put up with the faux patois of Mario Van Peebles playing a Bahamanian colleague.  He's now a PhD candidate (the timeline doesn't add up with Jaws, but whatevs), studying conch migration patterns? and doing his best.  This character was played by Dennis Quaid in Jaws 3-D, but he wisely chose not to return.

He's a fortunate fellow as his wife's main characteristic (this is the same character played by Bess Armstrong, but totally different now) is wanting to have sex.  That's it.  I don't remember her wanting anything else except to make a terrible metal piece of art that the salt water will ravage in about two years.  She's just here for fun.

Jaws from 1975 is oddly rich in character, themes, and story.  It knows how to structure itself so that we have a lean, mean narrative that moves along briskly between drama, comedy, horror and adventure that feels continually better than it has any right to be.  By contracts, Jaws: The Revenge is aimless wandering, people talking over each other, and Michael Caine trying to bed Ellen Brody, who clearly is down to clown, but doesn't think she should without enough Bahama Mama's consumed.  

Caine is delightfully unfazed by this movie.  He's not exactly phoning it in, but he's not doing his Oscar-worthy work, either.  Instead, he seems like he's on vacation, but he does have to do some acting, too.

It's hard to explain how terrible this sequel feels up against... well, Jaws, a movie so ideal from so many technical and cinema perspectives, we're still watching it every year like it's brand new.  Not an iota of the craftsmanship of the first film is in place here, the characters are muddy blurs, and the script wanders so much, it feels like experimental film.

So... what did i like?  Well...  I feel like one can have a good time watching it, trying to sort out how and why things are happening.  Try to sort out what, exactly, Ellen Brody is *doing* when she steals Mike's boat.  Clearly Caine is having a great time.  

My recommendation is to whip up some Bahama Mama's and take a sip every time you don't understand what's happening.