Chabert Holiday Watch: Matchmaker Santa (2012)

Watched:  11/20/2025

Format:  UP Faith and Family

Viewing:  First

Director:  Davis S. Cass Sr.

Job: Baker

Location of story:  Somewhere in California?  Outside of San Francisco

new skill:  Elfing

Man:  Adam Mayfield

Job of Man:  Bitch Boy to a CEO

Goes to/ Returns to:  Goes to

Event:  Christmas tree lighting ceremony

Food:  Cookies

So, new to me and not a Hallmark movie, exactly.  This movie is about a Santa who will stop at literally nothing to make sure Lacey Chabert and her boyfriend break up so that he may force her into a relationship with someone else.  Kris Kringle will bend the very laws of nature, create life, destroy roads...  

This Santa is mad with power.

Anyway, for a long time, and maybe still, a lot of the movies on Hallmark were technically independent movies.  I am unclear how it works now, but basically Hallmark would help fund movies in exchange for North American distribution.  But after X amount of time, these movies were back in the hands of the producers.  And so it was I now am enjoying a 7-day trial of the UP Faith and Family Network.

Part of how Hallmark had so many movies in the years where it seemed like a factory cranking out way too many movies, this was the trick.  They were essentially licensing very cheap indie movies, and part of them funding those movies was that they were given script approval.  

And, thus, the sameness of Hallmark.  They managed to pull off low-risk/ high-reward for years.

But you want to know about Santa and his unstoppable interest in getting people to hook up.

As a child, one Christmas Chabert watches her parents start making out.  This sets in her heart her fondest wish, her own Prince Charming with whom to mack down for the Holidays. 

20 years later, Chabert  seems to be running her own bakery and is dating a very distracted, young CEO (Thad Luckinbill).  CEO's best pal and major domo is Man (Adam Mayfield), who CEO seems to treat like a personal assistant, including having Man pick up Chabert for dates.  This has been going on for a while, and Chabert and Man seem indifferent to one another, but Santa (Donovan Scott) has decided these two need to bang.

CEO does seem like an idiot.  Even as he invites Chabert to his family's lakehouse, he neglects to mention he's actually hosting a Christmas party to entertain the Board?  Like, this lakehouse isn't nearby, Chabert has to take a flight, (and is cornered by Santa who insists on talking to Chabert the whole time while arguably seeming like he's hitting on her) and one assumes that she'd want to pick a party dress and shoes and whatnot.

The plot of the movie is then 10,000 manipulations of the fabric of reality as Santa just wrecks the CEO's life, while also also throwing CEO's pretty and simpatico ex at him so CEO, soon to be dumped, doesn't go away without a prize of his own.  

Chabert and Man take their incognito Santa to a small mountain town where he's to play Santa for the kiddies.  However, their car breaks down (because Santa magic!).  John Ratzenberger plays the lazy mechanic, and Florence Henderson the hotel manager.  And wouldn't you know it, there's not enough rooms and Chabert and Man need to share a room.  Which is in no way awkward.  

It is not until Santa has coerced Man and Chabert into elf outfits that suddenly Man is like "whoa ho!  What a hottie!"  which is definitely a kink choice.  

Anyway, yeah, at some point Santa either teleports a poor bear or creates a living bear from nothing.  He creates a rockslide off-screen burying a road.  He makes it snow.  He makes GPS devices fail and reservations for restaurants merely disappear.  He's basically *a* deity of some sort.  

Any time it's looking like Chabert might escape or CEO might make it to her, Santa plays supernatural cock-blocker.  

Curiously, this movie has the weirdest scene you're going to see at the end as Chabert and CEO stand facing each other with their newly selected sexual partners and just say "It's all good.  I'm gonna @#$% this one now." to each other.  

Full stop, this is a movie that, Santa or not, is about people cheating on their partner and then they both basically laugh about it, high fiving, and go separate ways.  Except Man still has to go report to CEO and his new girlfriend on Monday.

Santa loves a lil' infidelity at the holidays.

Santa is a freak.

he sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...