Watch of the Damned: Creation of the Humanoids (1962)

Watched:  09/18/2020

Format:  Watch Party

Viewing:  First (and last!)

Decade:  1960's

Director:  Wesley Barry

...R.O.T.O.R.

...Santa with Muscles

...Monster a Go-Go...  

Sure, we watch a lot of not-great movies, but some feel as if they exist to test your very sanity.  Some movies are so insanely bad, so weirdly made and uncomfortable to watch - made and released with what appears to be utter sincerity on the part of the filmmakers - sincerity that serves no one and seems like a hallucination more than a delusion...  

These films join our personal canon of Movies of the Damned.  

We've had a wild ride this summer as we've enjoyed our Friday night Amazon Watch Parties, but Jenifer found an amazing entry this week with Creation of the Humanoids (1962).  

It's the movie that dares to ask:  but what if a movie was 96% exposition?  

and

What if everyone just stood on their marks with a minimum of motion for the runtime of a film?

In some ways, I give it credit.  It does nothing but propose a few sci-fi premises and then builds on those premises, asking questions no one asked and providing a sea of answers that no one cares about, only to ask more questions.  And it does it over and over and over for what I am pretty sure was a full calendar year, but you will find to be a neat 75 minute or so runtime.  

It's a post-nuclear-holocaust future and man is barely hanging in there despite shiny outfits, women with rocket bras, nifty architecture and the help of our robot friends.  

People seem to be on their way out, as robots seem to be figuring out self-replication.  There's a herd of guys running around yelling MAGA dressing in shiny Confederate uniforms and harassing robots.  They have a cute clubhouse and everything.  Meanwhile, Robots are, in fact, secretly rising up to replace humans.  

All of this is told, not shown, in lengthy, lengthy speeches which would make a high school forensics teacher proud.  

The make-up on the humanoids/ robots is weirdly excellent - the work of Jack "Universal Monsters" Pierce himself, apparently slumming by 1962.  

I can't do this movie justice.  I hate it so much I like it.  It's mind-bogglingly inept, except that... the cinematography, sets, and make-up all work fine.  It's just that there's only 4 sets, and long, long scenes that will not end containing nothing but nonsense sci-fi talk that can and should have been SHOWN.  Just when you think this might be an allegory for something - NO.  We move right on past that and it's right back to a very concrete story about the concrete problems of robots.  It's like the mad ramblings of the worst nerd in your class who gets why robots are interesting, but not at all how a story works.  And was given money to make a movie.  

I... I'm worn out just thinking about it.

TONIGHT- WATCH PARTY: Day of the Triffids (1962)

 

Time to cross off another movie mentioned in "Science Fiction Double Feature" from The Rocky Horror Picture Show.  

We're doing Day of the Triffids from 1962.  All I know about it is that it's weirdly popular, it has space plants, maybe, and I heard once the lead female was a dish.  YMMV.  So.

Join us 

Friday night 09/18/2020 at 8:30 PM, Central time.

AMAZON WATCH PARTY LINK

FRIDAY WATCH PARTY - Detour - a film noir classic!

PROGRAMMING CHANGE - We are unable to watch DETOUR on Friday 09/18 as the restored version of the film is no longer on Prime and I am not sitting through the unrestored version. 

 

 

Day:  09/18/2020
Time:  8:30 Central

Amazon Watch Party link coming Friday

It's another Ryan/ Jenifer co-presentation!  Make sure you've got Amazon Prime and something stiff to drink.

This Friday we watch a movie about... well, it is not a love story.  It's Detour from 1945!  A bona fide noir classic, it's also going to dovetail weirdly with our run of movies with Strong Female Stars, but if you've never seen it, I don't want to say too much.  

I think this movie is just plain bonkers, and I love it.  But it is not going to make you feel warm and fuzzy by the end.  

Crawford Watch: Johnny Guitar (1954)

 

Watched:  09/11/2020
Format: Watch Party

Viewing:  Third

Decade:  1950's

Director:  Nicholas Ray

I don't know how successful Johnny Guitar (1954) was upon its release.  As a Western, it plays with a lot of the tropes of expansion, cattlemen versus progress and settlement, gunslingers, robbing stage coaches and more.  But at the end of the day it's about two iron-willed women who really, really do not like each other, and how one self-righteous person can lead everyone down a path that ends in murder.

1954 was part of the second act of Joan Crawford's bumpy ride of a career that solidified nine years prior with Mildred Pierce.  The glamour days of Grand Hotel were 20 years in the past.  She still had the weirdo horror movie career ahead of her, and was just about to set out as America's foremost proponent of Pepsi Cola.

Forgot to Write It Up Watch: "The Bigamist" (1953) and "A Crime Against Joe" (1956)

 

Watched:  The Bigamist 09/02 and ACAJ 09/09/2020

Format:  Watch Party w/ Jenifer

Viewing:  First for both

Decade:  1950's

Director:  Ida Lupino and  Lee Sholem

Jenifer's been hosting Amazon Watch Parties on Wednesdays, and she's picked some good ones.  And A Crime Against Joe (1956).  

I was delighted to finally see The Bigamist, starring and directed by the great Ida Lupino.  And I watched A Crime Against Joe.  It was certainly a movie.

Not doing a write up of either, but suffice it to say, anything with Lupino is a pretty good idea, and seeing her get to direct is always a treat.

Lupino ponders how Edmond O'Brien of all guys landed two women at once

Friday - Amazon Watch Party Watch: Johnny Guitar (1954)

Day:  Friday 09/11/2020

Time:  8:30 PM Central

AMAZON WATCH PARTY LINK 

I'm calling this a co-presentation with Jenifer, who finally pushed me to do this one before we roll into the Halloween season.

Johnny Guitar is one of those movies that isn't what you think it will be, is staffed with top tier talent - Joan Crawford, Sterling Hayden and directed by Nicholas Ray - and is not entirely the camp fest you'd assume.  For those who think they know a Western when they see one - this turns that notion on its ear.

I genuinely hope you'll like it.  This movie is going through a bit of a renaissance and rediscovery, so jump on the film-twitter hep-kids train and be conversant in a sort of off-kilter classic.  

Watch Party Watch: Girls Just Want to have Fun (1985)

Watched:  09/04/2020

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Decade:  so, so 1980's

Director:

Sort of like Teen Witch from roughly the same era, Girls Just Want to Have Fun (1985) feels a bit like the people putting it together didn't really know how to make a movie.  Or else they didn't have the money to do what they intended to do, which is probably evidenced by the lack of ability to license the Cindy Lauper version of the titular song of the movie.  

A very young Sarah Jessica Parker plays a Catholic High School girl who has just moved to Chicago.  She's moved around a lot, but is excited by this move as Chicago is the home of a very famous dance show she watches religiously, and she wants to try out to be ON the show as a regular featured dancer.  She immediately becomes besties with Helen Hunt, who is struggling to play rebellious and daffy and maybe punk?  But who dreams of being the "music news" portion of the show.

Anyway - there's a rich girl who is mean, a dopey looking biker guy who just wants to DANCE, and nuns.  Oh, and Jonathan Silverman playing an 80's-excess-loving entrepreneurial teen/ a dork.  

This is why 80's kids gravitated to John Hughes movies.  Even when they were maybe problematic or kind of hand-wavy when it came to stories, they felt competent, and the teens weren't just shrieking and running from place to place.  Parents were occasionally more than cardboard cut outs.  Kids have recognizable issues, like "I just want someone to like me" or "see me".  

But this movie has weird issues like being unsure if the main character lives in an apartment or house.  Her dad is so blandly written he feels like a goddamn monster, cowing daughter and wife.  And Helen Hunt is acting mostly through hair clippies.  

I dunno.  I am not a 10 year old girl in 1985, and that's who this was meant for.  

Watch Party Watch: The Red House (1947)

Watched:  09/02/2020
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  First
Decade:  1940's
Director:   Delmer Daves

In a lot of ways, I'd categorize The Red House as "American Gothic".  The story has DNA in Jane Eyre and other books about recluses living with a mystery. 

The film stars Edward G. Robinson as a a farmer who keeps mostly to himself (he cohabitates with a niece and his sister, played by Judith Anderson of Rebecca fame).   His niece brings a classmate over to see if he can work the farm to assist Robinson, who is aging and can't do what he used to, especially as he has an artificial leg.  The teen is warned to stay away from some woods near the house, and not cut through them for an obvious shortcut.

In general - I liked the film.  It's got a sort of twisty mystery, and at least the female heroine was likable (jury is out on the male lead).  Robinson and Anderson are terrific, and Rory Calhoun is a lot of fun as a dick-swinging country boy after the male lead's girl (played by chanteuse Julie London, who seems like 10x too much woman for the male lead). 

Glad Jenifer chose it because I might have easily missed this one.

Watch Party on FRIDAY: Girls Just Want To Have Fun (1985)

Day:  Friday 09/04
Time:  8:30 Central
Amazon Watch Party Link

So.  I've never seen this.  It stars a very young Sarah Jessica Parker, Helen Hunt and Shannon Doherty.

I don't know what it's about. 

What I do know is that girls around my age apparently loved this movie in secret, because I'd never heard of it until I was dating Jamie and somehow it came up (I think I saw it for sale at Suncoast Video) and Jamie was all, like, "oh, wow!  Yeah!  That's fun and not something for you AT ALL."

So, easy enough.  I did not watch it.  But it's been probably 23 years or so since that conversation, and so... it is time. 

Let's find out why the girls want to have fun, and who is causing the dramatic tension by preventing them from having said fun and what kind of fun they'll have! 

Watch Party for Friday: The Monster Squad (1987)

Day:  08/28/2020
Time:  8:30 Central
Amazon Watch Party Link HERE

Look, I get the skepticism - but this movie has a huge cult following, and that's not by mistake.

I was going to hold off for Halloween, but this leaves Prime at the end of the month.

Monster Squad is about a group of monster-movie fans who realize that Dracula, the Wolf Man, Frankenstein's Monster, the Creature from the Black Lagoon and a Mummy have arrived in their small California town to... well, it's not friendly.

It's got a great version of all the Universal Monster staples, some good storylines, and answers one question you never thought to ask!

And under the make-up are some cult-favorite actors.  Guys, it's @#$%ing Tom Noonan as Frankenstein's Monster.  And Duncan Regehr is AMAZING as Dracula.  And you'll be amazed at who plays Wolf Man.

Written by Shane Black, directed by Fred Dekker - I think you'll enjoy it.

Watch Party Watch: Elvira - Mistress of the Dark (1988)

Watched:  08/21/2020
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  certainly not the first
Decade:  1980's
Director:  James Signorelli

I've both watched and discussed Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988) numerous times here on Ye Olde Internets.

I noticed it's currently streaming on Amazon Prime, and so - breaking with tradition where we watch a less-than-amazing movie and discuss in real time, knowing that most people dismiss the movie out of hand, I decided to foist it upon those who joined us.

Frankly, I enjoyed watching a not-bad movie!  In fact, one people seemed to enjoy!

Anyway, I forgot to mention while we were doing the Watch Party I actually have an Elvira sticker on my current laptop, but I think - after Jenifer and I kept dropping Elvira trivia on them left and right - they got the idea that we happen to like Elvira.

further evidence

I will be able to identify my laptop in case of theft

J-Swift Watch Party: Thank God It's Friday (1978)

Watched:  08/19/2020
Format:  Amazon Prime Streaming Watch Party
Viewing:  First
Decade:  1970's
Director: Robert Klane

This was Jenifer's choice of movie for a Watch Party on Wednesday, and it was a great choice.  Not a *bad* movie, but a fun one with lots of stuff to talk about.  It all takes place in one night at a disco in LA, following multiple storylines.  And! it features Donna Summer, Jeff Goldblum, Debra Winger, the actual Commodores, and a cast of dozens you will never see again. 

It's super goofy and has that belief in discos that you one saw in a handful of movies by people you suspect hadn't really spent all that much time in a disco, but it is full of 70's-flavored male chauvinism, 70's sexism, 70's-flavored ideas about dating and marriage, and the eternal power of Goldblum and the Commodores.

Donna Summer can't act, exactly, but she was *fun*, so there's that. 

You will spend a good amount of the movie runtime wondering if the movie is going to go for an endorsement of swinging, which feels odd, and in the end, I think it split the difference. 

Good pick, Jenifer!

Friday Amazon Watch Party: Elvira - Mistress of the Dark! (1988)

Where:  Amazon Watch Party
Day:  Friday, 08/21/2020
Time:  8:30 PM Central time

This Friday, we're doing something unthinkable and watching a movie I genuinely really like!  Normally, I watch this film annually around Halloween, but I'm not taking the risk they're pulling it from Prime between now and October 1.  So we're doing it now, friendos!

It's 1988's Elvira: Mistress of the Dark, a goofy supernatural comedy featuring a lead with two terrific things going for her:  acting chops and a terrific sense of comedy.

In the 1980's, Elvira started with a local show in LA hosting creature feature movies, made some appearances on Carson, and went national.  I am 90% sure we never got Movie Macabre in the Austin market, but by 1987 or so, she was in beer commercials, guest starring on TV shows and generally everywhere.  By 1988, she released a movie, and maybe it didn't do so great at the box office?  But over the years, folks have found the movie and watching it now, in a way, it was just ahead of its time.

It's a classic fish-out-of-water story, a journey of self-discovery and has some truly quotable lines (and visuals).  If ever you doubted the power of Elvira, this may be your game changer.  And you're really gonna want to hang in there for the final sequence.  You are not prepared.

 

Friday - Amazon Watch Party: GREASE 2

Day:  08/14/2020
Time:  8:30 PM Central
Amazon Watch Party Link is here

No movie with Michelle Pfeiffer is all that bad.  But Grease 2 isn't all that good, either.

If you were looking for the further adventures of Danny and Sandy and how things worked out for them - well, tough nuts.  Laura says they died.  So, instead, we get a different group of kids a year or so later at dear old Rydell High!  Want to see Rizzo and Kanicki?  TOUGH.  We have... Goose and... I dunno.

But the movie has Christopher McDonald and Adrian Zmed!

It's all of the rough plot of Grease with none of the music you liked, a lot you won't, and a lot of returning teachers and principals.

Forewarning: we will cut you if you say anything negative about Eve Arden.

Watch Party Watch: Cherry 2000 (1980-something)

Watched:  08/07/2020
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  Second
Decade:  1980's
Director:  Steve De Jarnatt

Ugh.

Amazon Watch Party this Friday: Cherry 2000

betting that is not the shirt or physique we see in the film

Day:  08/07/2020
Time:  8:30 Central/ 6:30 Pacific
Amazon Watch Party Link HERE

Jamie has been on about this movie for the near-26 years I've been with her.  So we're watching it, because I did see it was a kid, believing it would have some boobs.  It doesn't.  And that's mostly all I remember:  Premium cable sadness.

Anyway, get ready for some 1980's post-apocalyptic nonsense starring Melanie Griffith, who never had those shoulders in the poster. Nor do those shoulders make any sense in relation to the hips of same Melanie Griffith in that poster.

We're blaming Jamie for this one.

Watch Party Watch: Psychomania (1973)

Watched:  07/31/2020
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  Second
Decade: 1970's
Director: Don Sharp

SimonUK and I already did this one as a PodCast.  Check it out.

The Signal Watch PodCast · 023: "Psychomania" - Halloween 2018 Ep. 1 w/ SimonUK and Ryan

Friday Amazon Watch Party: PSYCHOMANIA

I've suffered through this movie, and now you should too.

It's "Psychomania" - a movie British people love and Americans will find baffling.

The leader of a biker gang in a small, British municipality makes a deal with the devil for power or immortality or both (I can't remember) and returns to life to wreak havoc.  And by havoc, I mean - kind of upsetting old ladies and people on ladders.

The final film of famed actor George Sanders, this one plays with life, death, and life again.  And frogs.  and motorcycles.  And very, very bad music.

Day:  Friday 07/31/2020
Time:  8:30 Central
Amazon Watch Party (link here)

Next Up - Amazon Watch Party - "Barbarella" 1968

The outerspace equivalent of Seinfeld's "Rochelle, Rochelle" - Barbarella is a young girl's strange, erotic journey from one dopey planet to another.

It's really pitched as being sexy, and maybe this does it for someone out there, but aside from giving us the name of a great 1980's band and containing a series of WTF moments and an electric organ with quite the bonus features, Barbarella is kind of like a movie that promises you the sexy and then lifts the hem of her skirt to show you some ankle whilst smiling coyly.

Anyway, it IS batshit crazy, so we're going to watch it.  It co-stars John Phillip Law, which makes me wish Danger: Diabolik were available.  But it is not.

Day:  Friday 07/24/2020
Time:  8:30 PM Central
Format:  Amazon Watch Party streaming

Amazon Watch Party: The Stepford Wives (1975)

Join us this Friday as we check out the 1975 classic, The Stepford Wives!  I've never seen it, but I bet it'll be a good model for Jamie to watch so she can be a better wife and I can be a better husband.


Day:  Friday - 07/17/2020
Time:  8:30 PM Central

Amazon Watch Party Link

We really liked Amazon Watch Party last time we gave it a go, and we think you'd like it, too!

So, join us, chatter along, and we'll talk about the movie as it unfolds!