President's Day: James Carter - the 39th President of the United States

Former President James "Jimmy" Carter is on my mind these days as he is, at age 98, entering hospice care.  

Perhaps now more famous and liked for his post-Presidential career than his time during office - a period during which I would not envy anyone who was in the White House - Carter may not be with us much longer, so now seems like an opportune time to remind all of us who Jimmy Carter is other than a nice old man who spends a lot of time volunteering for Habitat for Humanity.

Carter was born and raised in Plains, Georgia, where his family had a peanut farm.  He would leave to go to college, finishing as a Naval Academy graduate, which led to his military service aboard submarines in both the Pacific and Atlantic fleets.  Clearly he had something going on upstairs as he was selected to study reactor technology as nuclear submarines came online.  Yes.  He's a nuclear engineer.  

Happy Valentine's Day from Us at The Signal Watch

May you have a super day of romance 

Christmas Watch: A Christmas Story (1983)

Watched:  12/24/2022

Format:  TNT, baby

Viewing:  ha ha ha ha

Director:  Bob Clark

No real need to write this up.  Annual watch of Christmas Story (1983) as we wound down from Christmas Eve festivities.  

Way, way back at episode 34, Laura and I talked about this movie as our very first Christmas episode ever!

Happy Christmas Day. Peace on Earth.

 

Merry Christmas, pals!  May you have peace today, and may you share it far and wide in the coming year!

Merry Christmas, Everyone. May You Find a Light in the Dark on Your Silent Night.

Well.

Merry Christmas.  

I hope your Christmas Eve is peaceful.  I hope it is quiet.  I hope you are where you want to be, even as I know that's too few of you.

It's a night of anticipation, and in the morning the sun will rise.  We get another chance to be better than we were.  

May your Christmas bring you some joy.  

Here's to all of us here on the good Earth.

Christmas Watch Party Watch: Holiday In Handcuffs (2006)

you will feel like Mario Lopez here once you hit "play"

Watched:  12/23/2022

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Director:  Ron Underwood

Sometimes I wish every movie came with a history of what happened from the screenplay to the final product.  Otherwise, such as in the case of Holiday in Handcuffs (2006), I - the viewer - am left wondering "what happened here?  who did this?  who did they do it for?  and why did they do that?"  

My go-to move is to assume massive fiddling went on as the movie went through development, or that there were re-shoots.  This movie is too cheap for re-shoots, so I'll go with Execs Had Ideas and it was going on Disney's "ABC Family" network, a network that has been many, many things and the catch-all for Disney product with no obvious home.

Directed by the same guy who brought us Tremors and City Slickers before sliding into Mighty Joe Young and The Adventures of Pluto Nash and eventually lots of TV, I have no idea what hand he actually had in this film.  Look, I watched all of Inhumans (twice!), which was also a product of ABC execs, and I'm still dealing with the scars of that misadventure.  I refuse to believe anyone making product for ABC networks isn't getting it from all sides.

Here's my suspicion: 

Hallmark Watch: A Glenbrooke Christmas (2020)

Watched:  12/21/2020

Format:  Hallmark?

Viewing:  First

Director:  David I. Strasser

This movie wasn't very good.  

Basic "I'm lying about who I am" plot as an heiress goes to an idyllic smalltown and falls for a fire fighter in generic Hallmark style.  The movie comes remarkably close to saying some true things about what happens when rich people start eyeing a community as the next hip place to move (they ruin it.  See: Austin), and that rich people are weird and don't relate well to non-rich people (in my experience - about 50/50.  It surfaces in subtle ways to absurd ways.).  This, of course, makes the rich person mad.  And the movie has to back pedal and say rich people are totally normal and don't fuck up the economy of middle-class towns.

The excuse-plot is that the heiress came to hear Christmas bells her parents loved, and the carillon is broken (the movie refuses to use the word carillon for mysterious reasons, and keeps describing the carillon instead.  You can teach people new words, Hallmark.).  The cost of repair is $10,000.  Not chump change.  But the hero is a millionaire many times over.  That's a write-off for her if she fixes it, but the movie refuses to let her just find a way to and over a bag of cash and instead leverages her rich pals to buy Kinkaid knock-offs from local teens.  

Discovering that (a) his new ladyfriend is a millionaire and not who she said she was, and (b) knowing that even if he got past that, she and he will have nothing in common, our firefighter reasonably calls it a day.  But she doodled him in a sketchbook, and rather than seeming creepy, he decides this means its love and he was wrong about her and the situation, and he judged her wrongly.  

Eh.  Did he, though?  In some ways, you'd really have to think "I've been dating a sociopath."  But at the same time, deciding to rush into marriage with a multi-millionaire before the endorphins clear and she thinks of a pre-nup is a baller move.   

Friday Watch Party: Holiday in Handcuffs

we're going to be studying the composition of this poster for decades to come

What could be more merry than watching 90 minutes of Unlawful Restraint charges pile up?  Not to mention assault, etc...

Join us as I get in a trifecta of Saved by the Bell alumni in Christmas movies in this Mario Lopez/ Melissa Joan Hart pair-up.  (See:  Lucky Christmas and Northpole).  

Is it good?  Probably not.  Is it free?  It depends on how you categorize your Amazon Prime membership and viewings.  

Anyway, you'd hope something with handcuffs this much at the center of the film that isn't The Defiant Ones would be kind of fun.  I don't know how any of this set-up will play out in a way that doesn't work a bit like the Saw franchise, but that doesn't seem very Christmassy.  And it's not, like, *fun* handcuffs.  It's an ABC Family original film.  

It's also got Markie Post!  Who doesn't love Markie Post?  No one.  She was great.

But I am sure we can make something out of this.

Day: Friday December 23rd

Time:  8:30 Central, 6:30 Pacific

Service:  Amazon

Price:  I think it's streaming for free with Prime

Click here to Houdini your way to Holiday Hilarity

(link live 10 minutes before showtime)

Grinchy Watch: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Watched:  12/16/2022

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Decade:  2000's

Director:  Ron Howard

People love this movie.  I was aware of that, but had no interest in the film when it came out. I'd read the book a lot as a kid, and I'm a purist when it comes to Chuck Jones and my enjoyment of his work.  And aside from some of the finest Looney Tunes installments, the annual TV special of How the Grinch Stole Christmas was his signature work.  As a collaborative work (Jones, Seuss, Karloff, Ravenscroft, Poddany) it's hard to top.

Director Ron Howard never saw a project he couldn't make more mediocre by running it through his Hollywoodtron-3000.  He understands the beats of movies, and deploys bombastic music and whatnot to get the audience on board as he takes them through their paces, but the movies always wind up feeling hollow and less than the sum of their parts.  Yes, I know he was funny on Arrested Development.  But I don't know how you take The Grinch and make a faux Tim Burton film that also manages to reframe the original story to such a degree that you miss the point of a children's book.

Look, part of the joke of the original Grinch book is that he's just a bastard.  No one made him that way.  We can speculate about shoe sizes and head fittings, but as far as we're concerned, he's just the local jerk who watches from afar.  He simply is.  But the original book is 64 pages, with a few sentences per page and lots of art.  The movie needs a decent runtime, and so the filmmakers (and Howard is a director, but he's also basically a producer) padded and padded and padded some more!  They padded this out til their padders were sore!

I mean, they had to pad the book for a 20-something minute cartoon version of the book.  

So - we get a backstory for the Grinch where we see maybe it's nature that the Grinch is an asshole, but also it turns out those harmless Who's in Whoville are frightened, judgy assholes who elect the worst of them to run things.  

Hallmark Watch: Northpole (2014)

Watched:  A few weeks ago

Format:  I don't remember, but I didn't pay for it

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Douglas Barr

This movie is a super-weird remnant from a different era of Hallmark film where they went in on special FX and name talent.  Usually, like, 1 name talent per movie, and it's not Sandra Bullock.  But it is Tiffani Theissen, who I think we can agree holds a special place in the hearts of us early-90's teens.  (I mean, I think I've been very clear I was a Jessie Spano man, but that's a different post for a different day).  

Theissen is a good actor!  She could have been an interesting Lois Lane.  And here she plays an investigative reporter, don't you know.  But also a single mom dealing with the passing of her husband, and moved to a small-ish town.  And she thinks her son is going crazy (my words, not hers) because her son is legit given a 2-way radio so he can communicate with a very real elf in the form of a spunky teen (Bailee Madison).  

It's a lot of plot, as she tries to sort out what looks like corruption in town (it is not, and this plot point makes almost no sense and pitches sentiment over how things work in a functioning democracy, but whatevs).  And her son is navigating trauma, the very real existence of Santa and Mrs. Claus and a whole civilization of eternal elves.  And homework.  There's so, so much going on.  Oh, and Theissen kinda finds at least a make-out buddy in her son's teacher, which is probably going to cause the teacher HR issues.

But, like, this movie has a budget for Clementine the Elf to fly around in a sleigh, grab the kid, take him to The North Pole - which we see from an aerial view and it's pretty cool! - and then kinda elaborate sets that are the North Pole.  

I'm not sure this could have been released to theaters, but for 2014, it's a big production for deep cable, and a reminder that Hallmark was not always just young actresses with bad hair and guys with two weeks of beard growth.   

Binge Watch: The Binge - It's A Wonderful Binge (2022)

Watched:  12/16/2022

Format:  Hulu

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jordan VanDina

Well, I was way, waaaaaaay too sober while watching this movie.  I also hadn't seen the first one.  But our Pal Paul worked on this film and I wanted to give it a go.  

First - the cast on this thing is bananas.  I believe Kaitlin Olson is one of the funniest people in anything, and this movie is not here to disabuse me of that notion.  She's good in the first act, and by the third - sublime.  Tim Meadows is a favorite in this house.  Danny Trejo!  Paul Scheer.  Nick Swardson.  Tony Cavalero AND Patty Guggenheim?  (their scenes are hysterical)  Karen Maruyama (I don't know who came up with her character, but slow clap).  

Anyway - all people I like.  

The movie's stars are Eduardo Franco (Stranger Things S4), Dexter Darden (Saved By the Bell), Connie Shi (Law & Order), and Marta Piekarz (Queer as Folk).  Young folks!  But really able to carry a film.

The movie had two strikes for me out of the gate - but those were on me.  1)  Like I say, I was stone cold sober watching the movie, and this is not that movie.  2) I did not see the first installment.  Not 100% necessary, but the movie doesn't spend much "getting to know you" time and leaps into "so how are our friends now?"

So - if you've not seen the original - the set-up is not complicated.  The Feds decided in 2027 on a total prohibition of all drugs and alcohol, but (like The Purge) one day per year it's no holds barred.  That day is called "The Binge".  In 2035, they've realized people can't handle Christmas minus a little chemical help, and so The Binge is moved to Christmas, and it's immediately and obviously a bad idea.  

One of our heroes is trying to ask for his ladyfriend's hand in marriage, the other goes on a drug-induced journey akin to It's a Wonderful Life.  I don't want to give too much away.  

Anyway - if you're looking for something to watch that's completely bananas, but not to watch with your parents or kids - it fits the bill.  We're well documented here for enjoying movies that end in total chaos, and this is that.  But it's also a really funny journey along the way, keeping things moving at a rocket pace - so even if a gag isn't a slam dunk, there's another coming in a few beats.  

Like other "@#$% is out of control" comedies like a Harold and Kumar movie, it's a hang-out movie.  You like the characters and want to spend time seeing what they're up to.  The pitch could fit with a real-time TV show, I guess, but works well for a movie with yearly installments.  But the characters - who could be obnoxious and cringey - are really good springboards for a lot of fun stuff, and the talent are likeable.  Casting young folks like this against big talents like Olson and Trejo makes for a great mix.

Anyway - you will also notice the audio is AMAZING in this movie.  Hire Paul. We need to keep him busy.

Friday Watch Party: "How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

I was not of a mind in 2000 to go see the Ron Howard-directed adaptation of Dr. Seuss's perennial holiday classic, How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  But I've mellowed, and in careful consultation with Jenifer, we've chosen this movie to extend the Holiday Watch Party festivities.

Jim Carrey is a fine actor, I find him very funny.  I find this suit unnerving.  What I've seen of Jeffrey Tambor in the movie also makes me want to burn Whoville with fire.  I do not tolerate uncanny valley stuff in CGI very well.  Do it in real life, and my blood runs cold with the Lovecraftian implications.

I don't know what else is in this 105 minute movie that wasn't covered in the children's book or 30 minute TV show, but it does seem the filmmakers were like "we should unnerve Ryan by putting the lovely Christine Baranski in this and make her a sexy Who.  That should @#$% him up but good."    

my grinchy heart will grow three sizes that day

I don't know what the context is of this whole scenario, but let's find out. Here's to Opie Cunningham.

Day:  Friday 12/16/2022

Time:  8:30 Central

Length:  1:45

Service:  Amazon

Price:  $4

CLICK HERE TO HEAR A WHO

(link live 10 minutes before show)

Muppet Watch: The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992)

Watched:  12/15/2022

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Brian Henson

First things first - to watch the full length version of the movie including the previously cut song, here's what you do:

When you find the movie on Disney+, go to the movie, and then look at the "Extras".  Select "Full Length".  

We didn't do this, we just clicked "watch movie".  When I was expecting the song to show up, it didn't. 

So, the game was afoot.  I went about figuring it out after the credits.  

The default version on Disney+ does not have the song "Love is Gone" - but it's right there!  If you click "Extras" associated with the film, and it provides the option for "full length".  Or just watch the song as a stand-alone video.  It's all there, you just have to click 2-3 more times to get to it.

Anyway - here's the podcast Stuart and I did for Christmas 2020.

PodCast 225: "Gremlins" (1984)- a Holiday 2022 PodCast w/ Stuart and Ryan

 

Watched:  12/10/2022  

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing: Unknown

Decade:  1980's

Director:  Joe Dante

For more ways to listen

What's more festive than a pack of insane asexually reproducing hyper-intelligent chaos monsters on Christmas Eve? Nothing. We get stuck in the chimney of good cheer as we talk this 1980's favorite which has become an unlikely holiday staple. So, dunk yourself in water, grab a bite after 12, and turn off the lights. It's time to talk The Best Movie Audience Ever.

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 225: "Gremlins" (1984)- a Holiday 2022 PodCast w/ Stuart and Ryan

YouTube

Music:

Gremlins Rag - Jerry Goldsmith

• All Holiday Movies ever covered
• All Horror(ish) movies ever covered

Holiday Selections 2022

The Signal Watch PodCast · Holidays 2022

Hallmark Holiday Watch: Lucky Christmas (2011)

for the record, I don't believe there's any snow in this movie

Watched:  12/10/2022

Format:  Peacock (apparently now carrying old Hallmark movies...)

Viewing:  First

Director:  Gary Yates

So, did I watch this 11-year-old, largely forgotten Hallmark movie because it stars Elizabeth Berkely, she of Jessie Spano of Saved by the Bell fame?  

Buddy, you know I did.  

Let's get to it. 

Is the movie good?  No.  

Is it Berkley's fault?  In no way.  She's doing what she can here.

Friday Holiday Watch Party: A Christmas Melody (2015)

Watched:  12/09/2022

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Director:  Mariah Carey (...I KNOW!)

I thought it was very strange that A Christmas Melody (2015) does not play more on Hallmark's two 24/7 Christmas movies channels.  It stars Hallmark favorite Lacey Chabert and America's Accidental Christmas Mascot, Mariah Carey, with a supporting role from the omnitalented Kathy Najimy.  I mean - seems like a winner, as far as Hallmark goes.  I was wondering if Carey had some deal that made it financially onerous for Hallmark to run the movie, or there was some extenuating circumstance.  But, no.

Friends, this movie isn't very good.  

I mean, sure, you could blame the fact they gave a whole movie to Mariah Carey to direct (no, she did direct it), but something is wrong at the script stage and it feels like 2015 was a year Hallmark's writers were still figuring out the formula and forgot to do things like give the male romantic lead any inner life so he doesn't seem creepy.  

PodCast 224: "Lois And Clark- S4E11" - a Superheroes Every Day Holiday Episode

Watched:  12/03/2022

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing: First

Decade:  1990's

Director:  Michael Vejar

For more ways to listen

Danny returns! To talk the 1996 Holiday installment of a Super-favorite. Join us as we get merry in both the 5th and 3rd dimension, talk all-things Superman, where this show fits in to the expansive history of The Man of Steel and how this episode works as a Superman story. So what happens when Howie Mandel arrives and wants to conquer the world? Our man picked the wrong holiday to try that one.

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 224: "Lois And Clark- S4E11" - a Superheroes Every Day Holiday Episode

YouTube

Music:

Lois and Clark Main Title - Jay Gruska

Holidays 2022

The Signal Watch PodCast · Holidays 2022

Friday Watch Party: A Christmas Melody

When it comes to people who have tried to make a career out of Christmas media, it's hard to top Ms. Mariah Carey and/or Ms. Lacey Chabert.  Way, way back in 2015, this power duo teamed up for a single Hallmark movie.  Hold onto your hats, because this one was also directed by Mariah Carey.  I'm pretty sure its about a kids' singing competition or concert or some nonsense. 

Anyway, this combo is like loading your 5 lb. bag of Christmas with like 100 lbs. of Christmas, and we're gonna do it, and we're gonna like it.  No, I have not seen the full movie, just parts of it, which seems impossible.  

We're gonna Holiday the @#$% out of this %$#@.

Day:  Friday - 12/09/2022

Time:  8:30 Central, 6:30 Pacific

Service:  Amazon Streaming

Cost:  $3-$4

All I Want For Christmas is Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

Christmas Watch: Christmas in Connecticut (1945)

Watched:  12/08/2022

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Peter Godfrey

One of these days we'll podcast this one, but I've already discussed it before.  2015, 2020

Looking at those previous posts, it's remarkable how much the movie has grown on me, and I clearly forgot to write it up at least one other time.  

Anyway, this is how I will end every Christmas from now on.

Doc Watch: Santa Camp (2022)

Watched:  12/3/2022

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing:  First

Director:  Nick Sweeney

The basic concept for Santa Camp (2022) contains all the volatility you'd expect of a movie that decides to use the familiar cultural touchstone of Santa Claus and the people who play him in malls, parades, personal appearances, etc...  to explore modern social wars and challenges of diversity and inclusivity.  

The movie clearly has a POV, but it's also one that is never stated directly by the filmmakers - this is a doc that lets people be themselves for good or ill on camera.  So, it lives in editorial choices.  Who knows what was left on the cutting room floor?  Maybe some stuff was worse?  Maybe items that were innocuous are cherry picked for context?  But when you're letting Proud Boys speak for themselves, it's hard to say how much nuance you're losing.  

Opening with a meeting of a grand council of Santa's of New England, a role and career choice for aging white men who have a very certain look, we get an idea of who has been a Santa - who embodies jolly ol' St. Nick in our physical space rather than paintings and cartoons.  To my surprise, this group of very similar older guys have already decided that maybe Santa needs more options for the public than just older, white, paunchy men, and they're in agreement that they need to start diversifying by inviting new recruits to their annual weekend retreat known as "Santa Camp".