Angry Animal Watch: Cocaine Bear (2023)

Watched:  05/12/2023

Format:  Peacock

Viewing:  First

Director:  Elizabeth Banks

EDIT: After posting, I was reminded that Banks also directed Pitch Perfect 2 and Charlie's Angels. I want to thank the commenter here (Nate C!) and the one on tumblr who mentioned this. Also, a big reminder to check IMDB before I hit publish.

Sometimes a movie is exactly what you thought it was going to be, but is also what what you were *hoping* it would be, while also being *better* than what you expected.  It's a peculiar equation, but in the middle of this particular triangle of expectation vs. reality, we find Cocaine Bear (2023).

Now, Cocaine Bear is not for everyone.  I read a few reviews that were quite cross about "nothing happens, it's just a bunch of sequences".  And, sort of.  But, also, that's exactly the point.  This is a movie about the joy of a rampaging bear fucking people up.  And, frankly, if you think the *many, many* movies about people getting picked off one-by-one are deep character work with the bear/ shark/ what-have-you as merely a framework, I have some property to sell you in Arizona.  A few are, 90% of them are filling time.  Elizabeth Banks, here in her first feature directorial effort, utterly understands the assignment.  

Banks cuts out any character development to the "bare" minimum.  The bear is not a metaphor.  It is not retribution.  It is not even a force of nature, for in nature, bears do not do massive amounts of coke.  While technically "man vs. nature" is our conflict, nature has consumed massive quantities of cocaine. 

Norse Watch: The Northman (2022)

Watched:  04/30/2023

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Eggers

Well.

So, I just finished listening to the audiobook of the translated Völsunga Saga, and then some pals asked if I'd yet seen The Northman (2022), and while those events were unrelated, they did dovetail.  I hadn't quite gotten to the movie despite liking the prior Eggers film I had seen and a general interest in the content.  I was aware of middling opinions of folks on the street (it's got a 64% audience reaction on RT) - with some folks also camping out in the deep like and dislike camps.  But it was a bit of a critical darling.  So, it seemed it was probably doing *something* of interest, even if it wasn't for me.

The movie does it's best to recreate a world that seems almost impossible in its brutality and viciousness, that believes in fates, and the best fate is to die (valiantly) in battle and be swept off to Valhalla by a Valkyrie.  It's a culture that sees sacking and pillaging as a vocation, and vengeance as a noble right.  And everyone is kind of aware that being a king also means being a target.  Kind of hard to believe these same people a few hundred years later would be living in countries now deemed to be some of the chillest places you can go.

Nintendo Watch: The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)

I officially entered a new phase of life on Saturday when I went to see The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023) with a cohort of second graders in support of my nephew's birthday.  I'm now an uncle who goes to movies he didn't select.  It's a good thing.

I am not anti video games, but I can describe my relationship to gaming as "apathetic".   The how's and why's of this phenomenon are uninteresting and best served in a dedicated blog post.  But even when we got our first Nintendo Entertainment System, I didn't have any Mario-related games.  I was spending my money on comics and tapes at the time.  Aside from a brief flirtation with a Wii and Mario Kart, never got into it.

Doc Watch: Money Shot: The Pornhub Story (2023)

Watched:  03/19/2023

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Suzanne Hillinger

This was.... fine.  

Like it or not, Pornhub was the 12th most visited site in January 2023 (as of this writing), and when people had some time off, maybe the 3rd most visited site in December 2022.  In an era where we've shattered the monoculture, it's possible Pornhub is the great denominator.

A few years ago, I listened to a podcast that discussed the history of Pornhub, how it impacted pornography distribution, how that impacted performers, etc...  I won't get into it here, but that podcast was 2017, and this doc more or less blows past *all* of that in about twenty seconds to cover more recent history.  Given the title and stated agenda of the doc, it's a wild choice.  This doc is in no way a complete history of Pornhub, it's a dissection of a specific moment for Pornhub that is already fairly well known, was covered in the press, and which receives minimal new insight into the events probed, the inner workings of Pornhub, or much else.

PodCast 236: "Elvis" (2022) - a rock n' roll episode w/ SimonUK and Ryan

Watched:  03/06/2023

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing: First

Decade:  2020's

Director:  Baz Luhrmann

For more ways to listen

Your two hunks o' burnin' love take on the Luhrmann-ized retelling of the life of The King. We ponder the nature of biopics, fame, Dutch accents, appropriate management fees, pink suits and the power of shaking one's hips. It's another Oscar-contender episode!

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 236: "Elvis" (2022) - a rock n' roll episode w/ SimonUK and Ryan

YouTube

Music:

That's All Right - Elvis Presley 

Unchained Meldoy - Elvis Presley 

PodCast 235: "Top Gun: Maverick" (2022) - a high-flying SimonUK and Ryan PodCast

Watched:  02/19/2023

Format:  Amazon?

Viewing: First

Decade:  2020's

Director:  Joseph Kosinski

For more ways to listen

Simon and Ryan feel the need for speed! These two misfits should be thrown out of podcasting, but they're just too damn good. Instead, they're being sent to watch another sequel 30 years in the making. Join us as as we talk this Oscar contender, why it hit, what it does right and how it gets a pass for what it does wrong. And, against all odds, they don't dwell on Connelly for too long.

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 235: "Top Gun: Maverick" (2022) - a high-flying SimonUK and Ryan PodCast

YouTube

Music:

Main Titles (You've Been Called Back to Top Gun) - Harold Faltermeyer

Top Gun Anthem - Harold Faltermeyer

SimonUK Cinema Series

The Signal Watch PodCast · SimonUK Cinema Series

Netflix Watch: We Have a Ghost (2023)

Watched:  03/02/2023

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Christopher Landon

Well, I was looking for something else on Netflix and saw the #1 streaming movie was something I'd never heard of but it starred Captain America, Jennifer Coolidge and Jim Hopper.  And I generally liked the premise of people catching evidence of a ghost and what that might actually mean in 2023.

We Have a Ghost (2023) feels, however, like a few movies that were shuffled together from different results from different writers all given the same prompt and characters but no guidance for what genre this movie was, who it was for, and especially no plot outline.  The result is a strange mish-mash of a film that wants to be funny, touching, exciting, a road movie, a haunted house movie, a teen romance, a wacky buddy comedy, a sci-fi flick...  and a touching story about family, father-child relations and probably ten more things.  I thought it was a kid's movie til about halfway through, and then was like... well, no.

That said, it's weirdly watchable.  It may not be great, or even particularly good, mainly because it bounces so fast from idea to idea that nothing ever really sticks - but it does have some crazy talent in the movie and so you get to see how that can prop up a very shaky film.  David Harbour never even really talks, and still gives a genuinely moving performance.  Anthony Mackie reminds you why he gets cast in so much stuff playing a guy hitting middle-age who thinks maybe he finally struck oil, Jennifer Coolidge is Jennifer Coolidge (if she were a TV ghost-psychic).  Tig Notaro plays the scientist - who seems to have a backstory they left on the cutting room floor - who is mixed up in ghost-chasing, the government G-Men and everything else.  

Our lead is young actor Jahi Di'allo Winston who is very good.  But, man, the movie sure takes its time making it clear you should like his character.  

I don't want to dwell on it too much.  It had a lot of issues.  But I also felt like it got weirdly violent for a minute or two, and it didn't really know a movie can say something, not just be a series of events that unspool.  There's no subtext - this movie is all text.  

The most promising bit of the film, and where I thought it was going before it decided it was not that, is immediately after the evidence of the ghost hits the internet.  You get to see humanity - filtered through the modern internet - doesn't know if the ghost is real-real or not, and makes him into something meme-able and for discourse and all the dumb shit we do as people.  But then the film spins off into something about government overreach, lasers, and a tragic back story I don't know anyone was sitting around hoping for based on the premise.  

SPOILER

I also was just like - did Anthony Mackie really get taken out by a very old man with a pan?  Like...  no one saw that and said "this isn't working."  They just let it be a thing that happened in a movie we all watched.  

Marvel Watch: Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022)

Watched:  Early February?

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Ryan Coogler

We watched this at the beginning of February when it was released.  I am holding comment until we re-watch and podcast it.  I won't spoil you on the movie or - I guess - what we'll say about it.

But I do need to note that we did see it, so here's a post.

Watch Party Watch: Birdemic III - Sea Eagle (2022)

Watched:  02/10/2023

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Director:  James Nguyen

You can't really write about a Birdemic movie as a movie.  You could, I guess.  But what's the point?

A Birdemic film is an experience.  It's there to make you ask an infinite number of questions like: why?  So many "why's?".  So many "what's?".  And "how's?"

Jamie, Steanso and I attended what was one of the very earliest public screenings of the original Birdemic,  It was during a period where I wasn't blogging, so there isn't a record, I guess.  But I do have a record of seeing the sequel.  

Awards Watch: Tár (2022)

Watched:  02/04/2023

Format:  Peacock

Viewing:  First

Director:  Todd Field

I knew very little about Tár (2022) when I put the film on.  During it's initial limited release, the movie received resounding critical acclaim, but has since had dismal box office.  That alone is worth studying - box office can only tell us so much. Maybe it will pick up as a streaming offering.  I had actually wanted to see it on the big screen and with better sound, but the runtime and this week's weather made it far easier to just watch at home - so I may be the demographic theaters are panicking about.  We're fine with these movies, but we also are okay with waiting a couple of months to just watch them from our couches.

In the end, I'm not sure I'm entirely sold on the movie, regarding Cate Blanchett's as EGOT composer, conductor, writer, etc... Lydia Tár.  I'll need to think about it some more.  

The film exists squarely in worlds with which I have no familiarity - the world of symphonies, of composition, of Berlin and New York, of the small world of classical music with it's all too rare stars.  It should all seem very far away, and at times - it does.  This could have been a movie about a writer of books, or a movie star or nearly anything else.  But the choice is intentional.  This is an alien world, recognized to require excellence just to get in the door.  We can't imagine what it takes to excel, how one walks through space when one has been chosen to lead the world's best symphonies.  What they do during the day, how all of this works.  

That said - the movie doesn't obfuscate what is occurring - and it's a testament to the writing, directing and performances that this world and its arcane (archaic?) rules are so clear.  And that system running up against extremely modern concerns and calls for responsibility.

PodCast 231: "Black Adam" (2022) - a Kryptonian Thought Beast Episode w/ Stuart and Ryan

Watched: 01/28/2023

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing: First

Decade:  2020's

Director:  Jaume Collet-Serra

For more ways to listen

Stuart and Ryan see a red door and they want it painted Black Adam! It's a DC movie, so you know that means there's a few dozen missteps to discuss, starting with picking a villain as our hero and carrying through to WB letting Dwayne Johnson think he now runs DC. It's one of those films where the most interesting thing about it is everything around the movie.

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 231: "Black Adam" (2022) - a Kryptonian Thought Beast Episode w/ Stuart and Ryan

YouTube

Music:

Black Adam Theme - Lorne Balfe

Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones

DC Comics Movies and TV

The Signal Watch PodCast · DC Cinema and TV

PodCast 229: "The Addams Family" Comics, TV, Movies and More - Jamie and Ryan

Movies/ TV Watched:  

• Addams Family (1991) 01/16/2023
• Addams Family Values (1993)  01/17/2023
• Addams Family (animated - 2019) 01/19/2023
• Wednesday (2022)
• The Addams Family (original series, 1964-1966)

Format:

• Addams Family/ Values/ Wednesday - Netflix
• Addams Family (animated film)/ original series - YouTube

Viewing:

• Addams Family/ Values - Unknown
• Addams Family (animated) - First

Director:

• Addams Family/ Values/ Wednesday - Barry Sonenfeld
• Addams Family (animated film) - Greg Tiernan/ Conrad Vernon

For more ways to listen

Join us as we get creepy and kooky, mysterious and spooky, and all together ooky, as Jamie and Ryan talk Addams Family comic strips, television, movies and more! We ponder questions of family values, romance, and what makes an ever-evolving franchise work when it passes through so many hands as new generations get involved. And what IS movie perfection, and why is it only seen in the two Addams Family films?

SoundCloud 

The Signal Watch PodCast · 229: "The Addams Family" Comics, TV, Movies and More - Jamie and Ryan

YouTube

Shakespeare!

Music:

The Addams Family Theme - Vic Mizzy

Addams Groove - Hammer

What is Love? Playlist

The Signal Watch PodCast · What Is Love? - Our Co-Contributors Talk Their Favorite Romance in Cinema!

Television in 2022

Hoo-Boy.  Did we watch a lot of TV in 2022.

This list is in no way comprehensive.  I started a lot of series, watched 1-3 episodes and then bailed.  Those aren't listed here.  Watching an episode of Seinfeld on TBS, also not listed.  So its basically series I watched the season from start-to-finish.  What's shocking is how hard it is to remember what I watched when I have to surf across services to figure out what I watched.  So, I probably left off a few shows.  

It doesn't include one-hour specials, shark docs, and other time-fillers.  

Look, I don't do a lot of Important Dramas.  I don't do puzzle-box shows.  I am sure you will find your favorite show missing.  Tough noogies.  That's how we roll.  What are you gonna do, come over here and make me watch stuff?  NO DICE.

Most Watched Thing

Mystery Watch: Glass Onion (2022)

Watched:  12/29/2022

Format:  Netflix

Viewing:  First

Director:  Rian Johnson

I don't really know how to talk about this movie.  A podcast would be better.  

This was a very, very good film.  But we knew that going in, I think.  

Look, I've never seen a movie by Rian Johnson I didn't like.  His turn to becoming the cinematic Agatha Christie of the 21st Century is more than welcome in a landscape of movies that - in lieu of being about superheroes - have mistaken drudgery and being sad and/ or tortured as film for grown ups.  Sometimes you just need a clockwork mechanism of a mystery movie with deeply charismatic talent, an amazing backdrop, and a satisfying ending.  

But the movie isn't just (remarkably) well written.  It's hard to argue with the cinematography and choice of locations, which gives the movie a unique multi-level perspective.  And, of course, editing.  There are a lot of characters, a lot of parts, a non-sequential timeline and a sprawling geography to the main location.  It's a remarkable feat to see how this all still makes perfect sense.

Anyway, I'll either podcast it later or give it a go with a longer write-up.  Maybe.  

In the meantime: recommended.

Doc Watch: Call Me Miss Cleo (2022)

except, literally everyone knew she was a fraud and the network a scam?

Watched:  12/28/2022

Format:  HBOmax

Viewing:  First

Director:   

Celia Aniskovich, 

Jennifer Brea

I dunno.  

This doc is weirdly under-developed and under-researched for something that's getting a fairly well-promoted release on HBOmax.  If I was Perry White to this team's Lois Lane, I'd say "you have a lot of facts.  You haven't proven anything and there's no story.  Get back out there."  The doc feels like it's something handed in at a deadline, not something actually something complete, and the final bit that tries to give Miss Cleo absolution feels like the last great con a successful con-artist pulled from beyond the grave.

Maybe the spirits DO talk to us!

But you'll get more facts without any of the tediously dramatic build up out of the anemic Miss Cleo Wikipedia article.  Somehow the doc misses that she had a child?  

Hallmark Watch: A Glenbrooke Christmas (2020)

Watched:  12/21/2020

Format:  Hallmark?

Viewing:  First

Director:  David I. Strasser

This movie wasn't very good.  

Basic "I'm lying about who I am" plot as an heiress goes to an idyllic smalltown and falls for a fire fighter in generic Hallmark style.  The movie comes remarkably close to saying some true things about what happens when rich people start eyeing a community as the next hip place to move (they ruin it.  See: Austin), and that rich people are weird and don't relate well to non-rich people (in my experience - about 50/50.  It surfaces in subtle ways to absurd ways.).  This, of course, makes the rich person mad.  And the movie has to back pedal and say rich people are totally normal and don't fuck up the economy of middle-class towns.

The excuse-plot is that the heiress came to hear Christmas bells her parents loved, and the carillon is broken (the movie refuses to use the word carillon for mysterious reasons, and keeps describing the carillon instead.  You can teach people new words, Hallmark.).  The cost of repair is $10,000.  Not chump change.  But the hero is a millionaire many times over.  That's a write-off for her if she fixes it, but the movie refuses to let her just find a way to and over a bag of cash and instead leverages her rich pals to buy Kinkaid knock-offs from local teens.  

Discovering that (a) his new ladyfriend is a millionaire and not who she said she was, and (b) knowing that even if he got past that, she and he will have nothing in common, our firefighter reasonably calls it a day.  But she doodled him in a sketchbook, and rather than seeming creepy, he decides this means its love and he was wrong about her and the situation, and he judged her wrongly.  

Eh.  Did he, though?  In some ways, you'd really have to think "I've been dating a sociopath."  But at the same time, deciding to rush into marriage with a multi-millionaire before the endorphins clear and she thinks of a pre-nup is a baller move.   

Grinchy Watch: How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)

Watched:  12/16/2022

Format:  Amazon Watch Party

Viewing:  First

Decade:  2000's

Director:  Ron Howard

People love this movie.  I was aware of that, but had no interest in the film when it came out. I'd read the book a lot as a kid, and I'm a purist when it comes to Chuck Jones and my enjoyment of his work.  And aside from some of the finest Looney Tunes installments, the annual TV special of How the Grinch Stole Christmas was his signature work.  As a collaborative work (Jones, Seuss, Karloff, Ravenscroft, Poddany) it's hard to top.

Director Ron Howard never saw a project he couldn't make more mediocre by running it through his Hollywoodtron-3000.  He understands the beats of movies, and deploys bombastic music and whatnot to get the audience on board as he takes them through their paces, but the movies always wind up feeling hollow and less than the sum of their parts.  Yes, I know he was funny on Arrested Development.  But I don't know how you take The Grinch and make a faux Tim Burton film that also manages to reframe the original story to such a degree that you miss the point of a children's book.

Look, part of the joke of the original Grinch book is that he's just a bastard.  No one made him that way.  We can speculate about shoe sizes and head fittings, but as far as we're concerned, he's just the local jerk who watches from afar.  He simply is.  But the original book is 64 pages, with a few sentences per page and lots of art.  The movie needs a decent runtime, and so the filmmakers (and Howard is a director, but he's also basically a producer) padded and padded and padded some more!  They padded this out til their padders were sore!

I mean, they had to pad the book for a 20-something minute cartoon version of the book.  

So - we get a backstory for the Grinch where we see maybe it's nature that the Grinch is an asshole, but also it turns out those harmless Who's in Whoville are frightened, judgy assholes who elect the worst of them to run things.  

Hallmark Watch: Northpole (2014)

Watched:  A few weeks ago

Format:  I don't remember, but I didn't pay for it

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Douglas Barr

This movie is a super-weird remnant from a different era of Hallmark film where they went in on special FX and name talent.  Usually, like, 1 name talent per movie, and it's not Sandra Bullock.  But it is Tiffani Theissen, who I think we can agree holds a special place in the hearts of us early-90's teens.  (I mean, I think I've been very clear I was a Jessie Spano man, but that's a different post for a different day).  

Theissen is a good actor!  She could have been an interesting Lois Lane.  And here she plays an investigative reporter, don't you know.  But also a single mom dealing with the passing of her husband, and moved to a small-ish town.  And she thinks her son is going crazy (my words, not hers) because her son is legit given a 2-way radio so he can communicate with a very real elf in the form of a spunky teen (Bailee Madison).  

It's a lot of plot, as she tries to sort out what looks like corruption in town (it is not, and this plot point makes almost no sense and pitches sentiment over how things work in a functioning democracy, but whatevs).  And her son is navigating trauma, the very real existence of Santa and Mrs. Claus and a whole civilization of eternal elves.  And homework.  There's so, so much going on.  Oh, and Theissen kinda finds at least a make-out buddy in her son's teacher, which is probably going to cause the teacher HR issues.

But, like, this movie has a budget for Clementine the Elf to fly around in a sleigh, grab the kid, take him to The North Pole - which we see from an aerial view and it's pretty cool! - and then kinda elaborate sets that are the North Pole.  

I'm not sure this could have been released to theaters, but for 2014, it's a big production for deep cable, and a reminder that Hallmark was not always just young actresses with bad hair and guys with two weeks of beard growth.   

Binge Watch: The Binge - It's A Wonderful Binge (2022)

Watched:  12/16/2022

Format:  Hulu

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jordan VanDina

Well, I was way, waaaaaaay too sober while watching this movie.  I also hadn't seen the first one.  But our Pal Paul worked on this film and I wanted to give it a go.  

First - the cast on this thing is bananas.  I believe Kaitlin Olson is one of the funniest people in anything, and this movie is not here to disabuse me of that notion.  She's good in the first act, and by the third - sublime.  Tim Meadows is a favorite in this house.  Danny Trejo!  Paul Scheer.  Nick Swardson.  Tony Cavalero AND Patty Guggenheim?  (their scenes are hysterical)  Karen Maruyama (I don't know who came up with her character, but slow clap).  

Anyway - all people I like.  

The movie's stars are Eduardo Franco (Stranger Things S4), Dexter Darden (Saved By the Bell), Connie Shi (Law & Order), and Marta Piekarz (Queer as Folk).  Young folks!  But really able to carry a film.

The movie had two strikes for me out of the gate - but those were on me.  1)  Like I say, I was stone cold sober watching the movie, and this is not that movie.  2) I did not see the first installment.  Not 100% necessary, but the movie doesn't spend much "getting to know you" time and leaps into "so how are our friends now?"

So - if you've not seen the original - the set-up is not complicated.  The Feds decided in 2027 on a total prohibition of all drugs and alcohol, but (like The Purge) one day per year it's no holds barred.  That day is called "The Binge".  In 2035, they've realized people can't handle Christmas minus a little chemical help, and so The Binge is moved to Christmas, and it's immediately and obviously a bad idea.  

One of our heroes is trying to ask for his ladyfriend's hand in marriage, the other goes on a drug-induced journey akin to It's a Wonderful Life.  I don't want to give too much away.  

Anyway - if you're looking for something to watch that's completely bananas, but not to watch with your parents or kids - it fits the bill.  We're well documented here for enjoying movies that end in total chaos, and this is that.  But it's also a really funny journey along the way, keeping things moving at a rocket pace - so even if a gag isn't a slam dunk, there's another coming in a few beats.  

Like other "@#$% is out of control" comedies like a Harold and Kumar movie, it's a hang-out movie.  You like the characters and want to spend time seeing what they're up to.  The pitch could fit with a real-time TV show, I guess, but works well for a movie with yearly installments.  But the characters - who could be obnoxious and cringey - are really good springboards for a lot of fun stuff, and the talent are likeable.  Casting young folks like this against big talents like Olson and Trejo makes for a great mix.

Anyway - you will also notice the audio is AMAZING in this movie.  Hire Paul. We need to keep him busy.

Doc Watch: Idina Menzel - Which Way to the Stage? (2022)

...i guess she found it

Watched:  12/15/2022

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  First

Director:  Anne McCabe/ Eric Maldin

This is a thing I watched.  I guess it's a documentary?  It's 90 minutes (which I missed when I turned it on, thinking it would be short) and that's movie length.  So here we are.

The film follows Broadway, movie, recording, etc... star Idina Menzel as she tours across the US, heading toward what the movie posits is a lifelong goal of Menzel to perform at Madison Square Garden.  The tension is a bit undercut by:  She will absolutely do this show.  And:  We see her do the same show in 30 cities before hitting NYC.  But, no, I get it.  She's a New Yorker from birth.  That's a big deal.  It's like me getting to, uh...  blog at a coffee shop in Austin?  I have no idea.