My movie consumption habits wax and wane. Certainly once NCAA Football starts, I am just not going to wind up at the theater for most of the season, and that trend is generally true right up past Christmas.
So its partially my fault, but... did you know that in about a month the third installment of The Chronicles of Narnia is hitting the silver screen? That said, I thoroughly did not enjoy the second installment. It was full of mixed messages, confused allegories, odd racial overtones and seemed to get a pass in ways that I didn't understand. *
Despite the relative pop-culture silence that followed its release, Price Caspian performed to expectation. And I'd think that the new installment is also supposed to be a major movie. That is, unless they're running a Producers-like scam, I'd expect the backers of CoN3: Voyage of the Dawn Treader would want to make some money. If I couldn't avoid a Scott Pilgrim ad no matter where I turned for three months prior to that movie's release, doesn't Aslan deserve a little marketing love?
I half have to believe that studios are floating "non-marketing" marketing techniques. If nobody showed to see Scott Pilgrim, was it because they were sick of the movie before it had ever been released? So why not wait until a couple weeks before the movie and then drop a few ads?
That's speculation, but certainly a long tail on these efforts doesn't seem to have much pay-off.
Also, apparently there's a movie coming out I'm pretty much going to have to see, which I saw the ad for today for the first time:
The Warrior's Way
Samurais and ninjas and whatnot in the Old West? I... What... How did this get made and nobody told me? I mean, it looks terrible, but in a "Hey, Jason, we're going to the 3:00 showing of Warrior's Way. You're coming, right?" "Oh, absolutely." sort of way.
*I did not have the same overall negative reaction to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe that I recall Steven and Lauren having. I thought it was a cute kid's movie. And, honestly, thought Tilda Swinton was a lot of fun.
Film. Comics. Sci-Fi. Superheroes. Pulp. Noir. History. Superman. 20th Century Archaeology.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Saturday, November 6, 2010
Amazon announces their Top 10 Comics of 2010 (editor and customer)
Dang, I really need to pick up that Charles Burns comic. Maybe next week.
Amazon has released their Editor's list of their favorite comics of 2010.
These days I don't tend to burn a lot of cycles criticizing these lists (unless the list is just really dopey) as I believe the motives behind the "best of" lists are pretty good, especially from editorial staffs. By January I always find two or three things to read by comparing and contrasting who said what was worthy, and I think if you look at a few particularly non-biased sources, you can actually get a pretty good picture. I am not going to complain that my favorite comic didn't appear, superheroes are underrepresented, etc... because that's not what's going on here.
I will say: it's the wild west out there, and you're very likely to find someone who has spent days and days assembling a list intended to give them impeccable and inscrutable credentials, but those lists generally cater to a very niche audience of about 20 people who all do the same thing and generally disagree with each other, anyway.
Instead, I'm just going to tell you what I know about the items on the list. Maybe there's no benefit there, but... what is life if I can't editorialize?
1) The Art of Jaime Hernandez: The Secrets of Life and Death
I'll be honest, I've picked up two very expensive Love and Rockets collections, and I'm just not a Love and Rockets guy (the comic, not the band. I quite liked the band circa 1988- college.) I don't know why Love and Rockets doesn't click for me. Perhaps if I'd read these as monthly or quarterly installments as they were released, then the Hernandez Bros. tendency toward an overtilt for character and design at the cost of story might be lessened ... but as a massive tome... it can get straight up tedious. That said, Jaime Hernandez is an amazing artist, so this is worth a look.
2) Batwoman: Elegy
I'm just a huge, huge fan of this book. When I talk about design and character balancing with story... I can't think of a better example. The art is absolutely mind-blowing, and the development of Kate Kane is the most satisfying origin for a DC hero in decades. This is likely a great superhero comic for folks who look down their nose at superheroes.
3) X'ed Out
This is the newest work by Black Hole auteur Charles Burns. Horus said some pretty great things about this, so it was on my reading list, anyway. And I allllllmost bought it two weeks ago at Austin Books. Probably next time.
4) Market Day
I've read and enjoyed one or two of Sturm's other books, and something about Market Day has sounded right. I've been waiting for a paperback release.
5) King of the Flies: Hallorave (Vol. 1)
So help me, I've never heard of this book before.
6) 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective
Well, its 40 years of one of the sharpest comics aimed squarely at adults you're going to find. That said... I'm not a huge Doonesbury nut. It always felt like it was aimed at my folks' generation, and so when I was likely old enough to really tune into Doonesbury, frankly, I wasn't reading a paper anymore. Thanks, internet.
I'm busily picking up the awesome IDW collections of Bloom County, which started off as a Doonesbury knock-off, if that helps.
7) Hellboy Volume 9: The Wild Hunt (Hellboy (Graphic Novels))
I am very, very surprised to see this book on the list. Hellboy is ten years gone from making big waves in comics either in sales or being the "hot new thing". Huh. This must be pretty good.
8) Acme Novelty Library #20
Another year, another list containing containing this year's Chris Ware offering. I haven't read any Ware since Quimby was released. I know I'm missing a decent experience by not picking up Ware's stuff, but its odd... I feel I get far more out of how Ware executes than what he ever actually has to say. (Yes, life can be lonely and depressing and we fill our lives with illusion. Got it.). But he does it so well. Its hard to argue with editors supporting the guy as one of the top 5 or 10 masters of the craft currently working, but... somebody give Mr. Ware a hug. Its going to be okay.
9) Picture This: The Near-sighted Monkey Book
Ah. Here's #3 of what I was going to pick up. This book has received some pretty darn good notices, but it looks like it wasn't even for sale to the mainstream market. My issue is that I'm not particularly a huge fan of Barry's strips, so... I dunno. Maybe in paperback?
10) Wednesday Comics
It won't be the same as picking up DC's weekly newsprint-based comic from the summer of 2009, but this was such a great grab bag of some of today's best artists and writers just going nuts. You won't love every part of it (Caldwell's Wonder Woman left me cold), but you'll find old favorites (for me, Metamorpho by Gaiman and Allred), and new favorites (Paul Pope on Adam Strange).
What's fascinating about the Customer Top 10 is that its obvious from looking at the list how easily numbers are swayed by other media making its way into comics.
In fact, I find that list mostly just really funny. (A) Because the stuff us comics geeks gripe and complain about in comics is a small blip on the radar in general when it comes to sales, ie: the biggest fans of comics apparently don't matter when Stephanie Meyer turns her eye, Sauron-like, upon the comics market and brings her legion of fans along. (B) Scott Pilgrim still kicked everyone in the shins this year. Which means something along the lines of: I am ooolllllllldddddddddddd. (C) I've never heard of "The Exile: An Outlander Graphic Novel". Frankly, it sounds like the worst fan-fic title ever.
Noting what sort of stuff is actually selling (and amazon would know), no wonder DC has decided OGNs are the way to go for the Earth One effort. I'd want a permanent place in that market, too.
For Hollywood, its got to be an interesting lesson. Scott Pilgrim was/ is a massive success in print, but at the cinema... didn't exactly set the world on fire. The folks who loved it as a comic loved it as a movie. And a whole lot of other people took a pass. So I wouldn't expect movie deals to peg to either of these lists.
Amazon has released their Editor's list of their favorite comics of 2010.
These days I don't tend to burn a lot of cycles criticizing these lists (unless the list is just really dopey) as I believe the motives behind the "best of" lists are pretty good, especially from editorial staffs. By January I always find two or three things to read by comparing and contrasting who said what was worthy, and I think if you look at a few particularly non-biased sources, you can actually get a pretty good picture. I am not going to complain that my favorite comic didn't appear, superheroes are underrepresented, etc... because that's not what's going on here.
I will say: it's the wild west out there, and you're very likely to find someone who has spent days and days assembling a list intended to give them impeccable and inscrutable credentials, but those lists generally cater to a very niche audience of about 20 people who all do the same thing and generally disagree with each other, anyway.
Instead, I'm just going to tell you what I know about the items on the list. Maybe there's no benefit there, but... what is life if I can't editorialize?
1) The Art of Jaime Hernandez: The Secrets of Life and Death
I'll be honest, I've picked up two very expensive Love and Rockets collections, and I'm just not a Love and Rockets guy (the comic, not the band. I quite liked the band circa 1988- college.) I don't know why Love and Rockets doesn't click for me. Perhaps if I'd read these as monthly or quarterly installments as they were released, then the Hernandez Bros. tendency toward an overtilt for character and design at the cost of story might be lessened ... but as a massive tome... it can get straight up tedious. That said, Jaime Hernandez is an amazing artist, so this is worth a look.
2) Batwoman: Elegy
I'm just a huge, huge fan of this book. When I talk about design and character balancing with story... I can't think of a better example. The art is absolutely mind-blowing, and the development of Kate Kane is the most satisfying origin for a DC hero in decades. This is likely a great superhero comic for folks who look down their nose at superheroes.
3) X'ed Out
This is the newest work by Black Hole auteur Charles Burns. Horus said some pretty great things about this, so it was on my reading list, anyway. And I allllllmost bought it two weeks ago at Austin Books. Probably next time.
4) Market Day
I've read and enjoyed one or two of Sturm's other books, and something about Market Day has sounded right. I've been waiting for a paperback release.
5) King of the Flies: Hallorave (Vol. 1)
So help me, I've never heard of this book before.
6) 40: A Doonesbury Retrospective
Well, its 40 years of one of the sharpest comics aimed squarely at adults you're going to find. That said... I'm not a huge Doonesbury nut. It always felt like it was aimed at my folks' generation, and so when I was likely old enough to really tune into Doonesbury, frankly, I wasn't reading a paper anymore. Thanks, internet.
I'm busily picking up the awesome IDW collections of Bloom County, which started off as a Doonesbury knock-off, if that helps.
7) Hellboy Volume 9: The Wild Hunt (Hellboy (Graphic Novels))
I am very, very surprised to see this book on the list. Hellboy is ten years gone from making big waves in comics either in sales or being the "hot new thing". Huh. This must be pretty good.
8) Acme Novelty Library #20
Another year, another list containing containing this year's Chris Ware offering. I haven't read any Ware since Quimby was released. I know I'm missing a decent experience by not picking up Ware's stuff, but its odd... I feel I get far more out of how Ware executes than what he ever actually has to say. (Yes, life can be lonely and depressing and we fill our lives with illusion. Got it.). But he does it so well. Its hard to argue with editors supporting the guy as one of the top 5 or 10 masters of the craft currently working, but... somebody give Mr. Ware a hug. Its going to be okay.
9) Picture This: The Near-sighted Monkey Book
Ah. Here's #3 of what I was going to pick up. This book has received some pretty darn good notices, but it looks like it wasn't even for sale to the mainstream market. My issue is that I'm not particularly a huge fan of Barry's strips, so... I dunno. Maybe in paperback?
10) Wednesday Comics
It won't be the same as picking up DC's weekly newsprint-based comic from the summer of 2009, but this was such a great grab bag of some of today's best artists and writers just going nuts. You won't love every part of it (Caldwell's Wonder Woman left me cold), but you'll find old favorites (for me, Metamorpho by Gaiman and Allred), and new favorites (Paul Pope on Adam Strange).
What's fascinating about the Customer Top 10 is that its obvious from looking at the list how easily numbers are swayed by other media making its way into comics.
In fact, I find that list mostly just really funny. (A) Because the stuff us comics geeks gripe and complain about in comics is a small blip on the radar in general when it comes to sales, ie: the biggest fans of comics apparently don't matter when Stephanie Meyer turns her eye, Sauron-like, upon the comics market and brings her legion of fans along. (B) Scott Pilgrim still kicked everyone in the shins this year. Which means something along the lines of: I am ooolllllllldddddddddddd. (C) I've never heard of "The Exile: An Outlander Graphic Novel". Frankly, it sounds like the worst fan-fic title ever.
Noting what sort of stuff is actually selling (and amazon would know), no wonder DC has decided OGNs are the way to go for the Earth One effort. I'd want a permanent place in that market, too.
For Hollywood, its got to be an interesting lesson. Scott Pilgrim was/ is a massive success in print, but at the cinema... didn't exactly set the world on fire. The folks who loved it as a comic loved it as a movie. And a whole lot of other people took a pass. So I wouldn't expect movie deals to peg to either of these lists.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Monthly stack o' comics has arrived
...which means I think I'm going to read some comics tonight.
Also, I am actually starting to feel better. Sure, I gave Jamie my cold, but she's a trooper. She'll sort through this.
But I look forward to feeling quasi-normal for the first time in several days.
Anyhow, off to read some Superman. Ya'll have a good one.
Also, I am actually starting to feel better. Sure, I gave Jamie my cold, but she's a trooper. She'll sort through this.
But I look forward to feeling quasi-normal for the first time in several days.
Anyhow, off to read some Superman. Ya'll have a good one.
So what the @#$% was Wootstock?
A while back CanadianSimon suggested I check out Wootstock when it came to Austin on November 2. There really wasn't much information about Wootstock online, but I considered it. After all, the hosts were to be TV's Wil "Wesley Crusher" Wheaton, Adam "Mythbusters" Savage and then some comedy/ musical guys I'd never heard of, Paul and Storm.
The tickets were actually fairly reasonable, but went on sale when I was in a bit of a crunch, so I didn't think we'd wind up going. Leave it to the great and giving The Dug to swoop in. "Merry Christmas", he said, and suddenly Jamie and I had two tickets to Wootstock (good seats, too!)
And while I heard that Wil Wheaton couldn't attend (for vague and mysterious reasons), he was replaced by Neil Gaiman, who most people remember from his role as "Neil" on the mid-1980's sit-com Monkey Shines, but who has subsequently dabbled in comics writing with Sandman and a bit of fiction, such as Anansi Boys (I loved that book, by the way).
Having actually now sat through Wootstock Austin 2010, I'm not sure I'm any better prepared to say what the show actually is other than what it contains. Its sort of an entertainment show for hardcore geeks, and the whole feel of the evening rang vaguely of a distilled day of web surfing. I don't mean that in a negative way, but when your show includes two sets by artists of novelty/ comedy songs, readings by Neil Gaiman, readings from a Windows support guy, dozens of Youtube clips, a conversation with the writer and artists of the newspaper strip Foxtrot, Mary Jo Pehl making an extended Crisis on Infinite Earths joke, Adam Savage telling random stories about life and working with Jamie Hyneman... It was the kind of stuff that folks spending their life in front of a monitor can develop a taste for.
Obviously I was part of the target audience as my face hurt from laughing and the unfortunate cold I've been carting around for a few days.
I figured this kind of show would bring out a certain audience, and the geeks do not disappoint. Geeks all over the chart and touching on multiple points of the geek Venn Diagram made an appearance.
Nerds have come up in the world and the era of the internet has given new confidence to nerds as they realize they're a community, not lone spazs getting wedgied by jocks in the hallway at school. In fact, I don't even know that younger geeks really understand that there was a time and place where you were unlikely to know many people who shared your love of comics, Dr. Who, Star Wars trivia, technology, etc... and there certainly weren't too many women who fell into that camp. All of that has, of course, changed. Viva la internet.
I have plenty of geek credentials befitting my generation. I'm a consumer of classic monster movies. I've watched my fair share of Star Wars and Trek. I can talk comics pretty much all day. I'm less credentialed in certain web celebrities, not at all in video games, BSG, and I'm "meh" on Whedon.
That said, I was wearing a Mister Miracle T-shirt, which none of the geeks I was talking to quite understood.*
Wootstock seems to rotate around, and I'll definitely attend again if they're in town or I'm in town where they're at. Honestly, it was a genuinely fun time, and a little weird to see all these folks in one spot (I forgot to mention the drummer of PUSA was their drummer). I recommend.
Anyway, it was a really fun time, and I think some of you guys are prime candidates for the audience at this thing.
Unfortunately, I was feeling pretty awful through the whole show, so I can't say I recommend showing up with a head cold.
*and I pity you if you do not know and love the wonder that is Mr. Miracle.
The tickets were actually fairly reasonable, but went on sale when I was in a bit of a crunch, so I didn't think we'd wind up going. Leave it to the great and giving The Dug to swoop in. "Merry Christmas", he said, and suddenly Jamie and I had two tickets to Wootstock (good seats, too!)
And while I heard that Wil Wheaton couldn't attend (for vague and mysterious reasons), he was replaced by Neil Gaiman, who most people remember from his role as "Neil" on the mid-1980's sit-com Monkey Shines, but who has subsequently dabbled in comics writing with Sandman and a bit of fiction, such as Anansi Boys (I loved that book, by the way).
Having actually now sat through Wootstock Austin 2010, I'm not sure I'm any better prepared to say what the show actually is other than what it contains. Its sort of an entertainment show for hardcore geeks, and the whole feel of the evening rang vaguely of a distilled day of web surfing. I don't mean that in a negative way, but when your show includes two sets by artists of novelty/ comedy songs, readings by Neil Gaiman, readings from a Windows support guy, dozens of Youtube clips, a conversation with the writer and artists of the newspaper strip Foxtrot, Mary Jo Pehl making an extended Crisis on Infinite Earths joke, Adam Savage telling random stories about life and working with Jamie Hyneman... It was the kind of stuff that folks spending their life in front of a monitor can develop a taste for.
Obviously I was part of the target audience as my face hurt from laughing and the unfortunate cold I've been carting around for a few days.
I figured this kind of show would bring out a certain audience, and the geeks do not disappoint. Geeks all over the chart and touching on multiple points of the geek Venn Diagram made an appearance.
Nerds have come up in the world and the era of the internet has given new confidence to nerds as they realize they're a community, not lone spazs getting wedgied by jocks in the hallway at school. In fact, I don't even know that younger geeks really understand that there was a time and place where you were unlikely to know many people who shared your love of comics, Dr. Who, Star Wars trivia, technology, etc... and there certainly weren't too many women who fell into that camp. All of that has, of course, changed. Viva la internet.
I have plenty of geek credentials befitting my generation. I'm a consumer of classic monster movies. I've watched my fair share of Star Wars and Trek. I can talk comics pretty much all day. I'm less credentialed in certain web celebrities, not at all in video games, BSG, and I'm "meh" on Whedon.
That said, I was wearing a Mister Miracle T-shirt, which none of the geeks I was talking to quite understood.*
Wootstock seems to rotate around, and I'll definitely attend again if they're in town or I'm in town where they're at. Honestly, it was a genuinely fun time, and a little weird to see all these folks in one spot (I forgot to mention the drummer of PUSA was their drummer). I recommend.
Anyway, it was a really fun time, and I think some of you guys are prime candidates for the audience at this thing.
Unfortunately, I was feeling pretty awful through the whole show, so I can't say I recommend showing up with a head cold.
*and I pity you if you do not know and love the wonder that is Mr. Miracle.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Austin Comic Con November 12-14
Nerds in Texas may want to know that the Austin Comic-Con begins November 12th. I've got my pass and will be going for a bit on all three days, I think.
I'd previously mentioned that Paul Levitz would attend the Con, and that no longer seems to be true. There's some talent showing up, certainly, but this blogger is a little sad to see Levitz struck from the list of attendees.
However, they've announced some additional guests.
Adam West AND Burt Ward!!!! That's worth the price of admission right there!
Bill Sienkiewicz! - if you guys knew me at all back in the day, you'd know what a fan I am of this guy's work.
Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner!
And the dude playing John Stewart in the upcoming GL movie: Nick Jones! That's cool.
Peter Mayhew!
Doug Jones! - he was Abe Sapien and the SIlver Surfer
Walter Koening!
The Soup Nazi!
Lee Leffingwell - Mayor of Austin? (no, I have no idea why)
Oddly, I have not been asked to do a signing or host a panel, which I find shocking. With readership as high as up to 18 readers, you'd think The Signal Watch panel would be a draw of up to 2 people, and that's gonna move some tickets.
Oh, well. maybe in 2011.
This thing is going to be absoludicrous.
I'd previously mentioned that Paul Levitz would attend the Con, and that no longer seems to be true. There's some talent showing up, certainly, but this blogger is a little sad to see Levitz struck from the list of attendees.
However, they've announced some additional guests.
Adam West AND Burt Ward!!!! That's worth the price of admission right there!
Bill Sienkiewicz! - if you guys knew me at all back in the day, you'd know what a fan I am of this guy's work.
Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner!
And the dude playing John Stewart in the upcoming GL movie: Nick Jones! That's cool.
Peter Mayhew!
Doug Jones! - he was Abe Sapien and the SIlver Surfer
Walter Koening!
The Soup Nazi!
Lee Leffingwell - Mayor of Austin? (no, I have no idea why)
Oddly, I have not been asked to do a signing or host a panel, which I find shocking. With readership as high as up to 18 readers, you'd think The Signal Watch panel would be a draw of up to 2 people, and that's gonna move some tickets.
Oh, well. maybe in 2011.
This thing is going to be absoludicrous.
I am sick
Bleh.
Saturday, during the horrendous loss of the UT Longhorns to the mighty Baptist Bears of Baylor, I began to feel a bit poorly. I assumed it was a mix of a day in which I'd been a been a bit lazy and the blues over the slipping fortunes of the UT Longhorns.
Anyway, despite a Wootstock-related energy surge last night, by the time we got home, I wasn't feeling good at all. Then I woke up, thinking I felt ducky, and went off to go get a filling repaired (a filling fell out at some point last week), and was making noise about going to work when I got home.
Ten minutes on the sofa, and the cloud settled again. I'm still feeling funky, and I am 95% certain I've passed this bug on to Jamie. I guess I should tell her I'm using her tootbrush when she's not looking.
I only get sick every so often, so at least I can check this one off the list for a while, I suppose. But I'll either be blogging a whole lot or not at all, illness dictating.
Saturday, during the horrendous loss of the UT Longhorns to the mighty Baptist Bears of Baylor, I began to feel a bit poorly. I assumed it was a mix of a day in which I'd been a been a bit lazy and the blues over the slipping fortunes of the UT Longhorns.
 |
| Jimmy's chart suggests things are going poorly |
 |
| Dr. Brunson is actually a lot nicer than this |
I only get sick every so often, so at least I can check this one off the list for a while, I suppose. But I'll either be blogging a whole lot or not at all, illness dictating.
Arriving 11/10/2010: Superman Vs. Ali
Signal Corps, I am so, so excited about this.
Several years ago I stumbled across an image of the original Superman vs. Ali comic online, and every since, I've really wanted to read/ own this comic. Like the Superman vs. Spider-Man comic I now have (hanging on my wall, thank you), this has been one of those collectibles that eluded me. Fortunately, DC is reprinting the comic in its original Treasury size (which I also think is a great format for superhero comics, by the way). Its about the size of an old Life magazine, and will come in two editions, so you don't need to choose to blow the bank to read it if you don't feel like it.
 |
| this cover (the original) is full of 70's-era celebs |
And, no, the comic does not end after Superman knocks out Ali with one punch.
What I absolutely can't afford is the limited edition Superman vs. Ali statue:
 |
| Yes, I would totally own this |
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Tis' the Season for Food Porn
The holidays are coming up very soon. I'm sorry if this is the first you've heard of this, but Thanksgiving will occur this month, and then it'll be Christmas. So, yeah, we're in that stretch.
Over the weekend the first holiday catalogs arrived. An NFL merchandise catalog (with every item imaginable with your team's logo emblazoned upon it), an Oriental Trading catalog (cheap crap from The mysterious East, I suppose), and a Mrs. Fields catalog (oh, that sultry mistress of preservative-laden cookie goodness).
At League HQ, these catalogs are referred to as "food porn". Unlike the NFL catalog and Oriental Trading catalog, this catalog will not receive just a perfunctory glance to see what freak-show items we can find. Instead, this catalog will find a place on the coffee table for a few weeks so that, upon occasion, I can gaze upon the perfectly lit bouquets of delicious, snacky treats and indulge in dreams of what it would be like to have an endless supply of cookies.
It isn't just cookie catalogs that will be hoarded. Indeed, the Hickory Farms catalog is really my favorite. The photographers and editors of the Hickory Farms catalog are masters of their craft, assembling an amazing array of cheeses and sausages and all sorts of things that are death bombs of the American diet. All those cheeses and their creamy, salty goodness, tucked betwixt savory, delicious sausages in that festive holiday packaging? But, gosh darn, if they don't make that stuff look appealing.
This year the catalogs will be as close to much of this food as I am likely to get. At 6'5" and roughly the weight of a small Buick, your faithful blogger is trying to become a slightly smaller blogger. Apparently losing height isn't an option, so we're going for reducing circumference. The doctor says I'm less likely to keel over if I'm not sitting down and consuming an entire crate of Oreos in one sitting, and as I'd like to live long enough to bury my enemies, I figure I'd better start to do something about it.
Fortunately, having a catalog on your coffee table does not mean you have immediate access to an amazing array of meats and cheeses or beautifully wrapped cookies. So... I'll hang onto my food porn and ponder a moderated diet throughout the holidays, and I hope one of you out there will do me a favor and eat a beef stick for me.
Over the weekend the first holiday catalogs arrived. An NFL merchandise catalog (with every item imaginable with your team's logo emblazoned upon it), an Oriental Trading catalog (cheap crap from The mysterious East, I suppose), and a Mrs. Fields catalog (oh, that sultry mistress of preservative-laden cookie goodness).
At League HQ, these catalogs are referred to as "food porn". Unlike the NFL catalog and Oriental Trading catalog, this catalog will not receive just a perfunctory glance to see what freak-show items we can find. Instead, this catalog will find a place on the coffee table for a few weeks so that, upon occasion, I can gaze upon the perfectly lit bouquets of delicious, snacky treats and indulge in dreams of what it would be like to have an endless supply of cookies.
 |
| mmmm... cookies |
It isn't just cookie catalogs that will be hoarded. Indeed, the Hickory Farms catalog is really my favorite. The photographers and editors of the Hickory Farms catalog are masters of their craft, assembling an amazing array of cheeses and sausages and all sorts of things that are death bombs of the American diet. All those cheeses and their creamy, salty goodness, tucked betwixt savory, delicious sausages in that festive holiday packaging? But, gosh darn, if they don't make that stuff look appealing.
 |
| oh, baby |
This year the catalogs will be as close to much of this food as I am likely to get. At 6'5" and roughly the weight of a small Buick, your faithful blogger is trying to become a slightly smaller blogger. Apparently losing height isn't an option, so we're going for reducing circumference. The doctor says I'm less likely to keel over if I'm not sitting down and consuming an entire crate of Oreos in one sitting, and as I'd like to live long enough to bury my enemies, I figure I'd better start to do something about it.
Fortunately, having a catalog on your coffee table does not mean you have immediate access to an amazing array of meats and cheeses or beautifully wrapped cookies. So... I'll hang onto my food porn and ponder a moderated diet throughout the holidays, and I hope one of you out there will do me a favor and eat a beef stick for me.
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