Monday, January 28, 2013

We continue to explore the strange marriage of Jimmy Olsen and Supergirl

Before reading this post, read last night's post.

So, I was all put out that I didn't know where to get Part 2 of the Supergirl marries Jimmy Olsen story, and Signal Corpsman Stuart of Kansas informed me the reason it sounded familiar was because it was in Jimmy Olsen 57, which I'd previously read.  Normally, that issue would be in a long box and hard to get to, but...

I had recently bought a reader copy that hadn't made it into the longboxes.

So, what DOES happen in Part 2?

A whole lot more nonsense.

I like Jimmy's odd sense of vanity that runs through the Superman comics.  I envy him his cocksure certainty, but I guess when as many alien princesses have thrown themselves at you as they have at Jimmy, after a while, you have to start believing your own press.

By the way, something went wrong with how I was taking pictures, but I'm running with the weird effect on the pictures in the second half, so just bear with me.  I can't be bothered to take more pictures.

One thing I should make clear is that I didn't really ping to the fact that, while reading the comic last time, this is an "imaginary story", an out of continuity story that explores a "what if?" scenario in the world of Superman.  They're always fun, and somehow up the already batshit-crazy factor in Superman comics by a factor of 1000%.

Beg my pardon.

When we last left Supergirl, she had married Jimmy while suffering Red-K induced amnesia, which, btw, her a-hole cousin knew about and yet did nothing to halt the proceedings.  Her memory back intact, Supergirl is not in the least bit fazed by the turn of events.*

Because she lives in a Superman comic, Supergirl decides the only way to break the really pretty terrific news to her husband that he's been sleeping with a Supergirl is by totally messing with his head.

I'd say that modus operandi was a Kryptonian trait, but I've read too many Lois Lane comics, and I know better.

Thus, Linda decides to spend her days sitting in an easy chair, watching Jimmy with a combo of her X-Ray Vision and Telescopic Vision, essentially surveilling her life partner, while also bathing him in deadly radiation.  Her plan:

Jimmy is such a @#$%-up, she knows he will eventually put himself in danger and she can save the day as Supergirl.  Or something.

See below:

actually, this does sound like the logic of your typical high schooler with romantic problems

Yeah, the shock would just...  he's not Aunt May, Linda.

Anyway, Jimmy (who I thought had quit the Planet) is sent on assignment to an amusement park that's been shut down for massive safety violations.

Refusing to prove Supergirl wrong about his penchant for placing himself in idiotically preventable deathtraps, Jimmy decides, of course, to get on one of the creaky rides and turn it on.  Because:  Jimmy.

Also, who CAN'T resist a carousel ride when all the seats are Supermans?

A short cable snap later, and....

I don't really want to get into how often Jimmy rides around on Superman's back in the Silver Age.  It's just something I'm not sure people who are just friends should really do.

Anyway, Jimmy is saved not by Superman, but "the secret weapon".

Gasp, indeed, James.  And, Supergirl, way to trust the guy who just thought it was a good idea to climb aboard a condemned carnival ride.

Jimmy immediately falls in love with Supergirl, but remains true to his wife, Linda.  Who is, of course, Supergirl, just really, really finding the longest way possible to tell Jimmy his wife is an alien.  Two girls!  The same girl!  Crazy.

I am sure some bright-eyed graduate student out there citing duality and identity in Superman comics is having a fainting spell right about now.

In what can only be described as Jimmy tom-catting around a bit, our hero sneaks off on a sort of space-date with Supergirl, who takes him to an alien planet where this bull@#%$ goes down.

Less than a month in, and Jimmy is finding new women.  Classy, James Bartholomew Olsen.

Supergirl/ Linda is, of course, in no way angry with Jimmy for sneaking around behind her back, which, in a comic with yo-yo-ing aliens, dogs that wear capes, laser-beaming eyeballs and guys who actually go by "Brainiac", may be the single least believable bit in the whole package.

When Jimmy returns to Linda, she's, of course, baked a cake.

That is what we call the "Rubbing The Guilt in Your Face Cake" from Betty Crocker

That cake just says "Love to Jimmy".  I live in a world in which no cake has ever born such a loving message to me.  Now WHO lives in the real world of madness, I ask you?

And then, seriously, Jimmy basically just falls in a bottomless hole.  Just because:  Jimmy.

At the bottom of the hole is a previously undiscovered race of humans that look like actors in a Flash Gordon serial (ie: people in recycled costumes from the silent era), who have some serious malarkey going on I won't get into here.  But there is a princess who needs saving who now also wants Jimmy's hot bod.

Rescued by Supergirl, our hero breaks it off with her to go home and live with his sweet, lovely child bride, who can't shoot lasers out of her face.

Jim is a stand up guy, and so he comes clean to Linda, who takes the emotional opportunity to:

And, basically, Jimmy is married to a teen-aged alien.  The End.

It's an imaginary story.  This is the "meet cute" of Silver Age weddings, I guess.  And, I see no reason to believe that Jimmy would not go on playing snugglebunnies with Supergirl.

One gets the feeling, at some point, when she's living in a dirty apartment and cleaning up after him and that fifth kid he insisted on, she is going to be wracked with regret and maybe run off with her horse.**

Of course, this whole story is typical of the plotting and curious zig-zagging of narrative of the era.  And, by Rao, the pacing of these things.

Here's a look at a typical page:

In one page and just six panels, Jimmy is on an alien planet, then having cake with his wife, then falling into a bottomless chasm.  That, people, is narrative economy.  Brian Michael Bendis would take three years to get all that in.

Mostly, though, I don't think there's actually a job one can have in real life called a "Fudge Judge".

 Someone call Tootsie Roll.  They've been duped.

*We're also glad the Red K she was exposed to was NOT the Red-K that would have turned her into an ant-person, which would have led to her building a huge ant mound, and, presumably, laying eggs all over the place.
**That's a little bonus joke for you good Super-fans playing along at home


Simon MacDonald said...

This is completely mental. I like to think I was a pretty smart kid but I believe I would have had a hard time keeping up with this story. That 6 panel page is bat $#!7 crazy and before I even got to your comment about BMB I was asking myself the question, how many issues would that play out in today's comics.

Yes, I did get the horse joke.

Kuudere-Kun said...

It's actually rare for one of these Imaginary Stories to have a happy ending. Even the one were Lois married Batman ends on a bummer note.

This story, is like someone got their Supergirl/Jimmy fan-fiction published.

The League said...

Yeah, it's kind of funny - like the editors want to assure you "anything but regular continuity ends in disaster!" Marvel's "What If?" comics always seemed like such a downer as it seemed like they were pitching "if anything had changed, we'd all be doomed!"

Westy said...

She must have a good memory, to remember to keep taking her wedding ring off & on every time she switches ids!