|I have no @#$%ing idea|
So, this showed up in the mail. That's right, it's a Christmas Knife! These people aren't making the same mistake as those heathens at Starbucks! And, with their product, you could kill a man.
I have no idea who this company is, but they had my name and mailing address.
Oh, yeah. That's a lousy picture. Here you go. From their website:
Pretty exciting! And something that you will totally not throw in a sock drawer and forget about.
But, like the page says: You may also like...
So, kind of weird, but, whatever... But it's a whole catalog. A whole catalog full of stuff apparently meant to appeal to the miliartistic-minded white suprematicist/ doomsday prepper/ possible serial killer in your life!
The catalog was full of "WWII German" replica weaponry and whatnot. So. Fun. Probably wouldn't feel exactly as weird if there weren't also plenty of Confederate flag stuff, too. Oh, yeah. I'm from Texas, and I will always state the Confederate flag is totally a symbol of a failed rogue nation that was into the State's Right to say it was great to own slaves and be super racist. So, you know, stop waving that stupid flag, you morons.
Now, there's also lots of replica swords and helmets and whatnot from Lord of the Rings and videogames and movies and shows I didn't recognize, but, yeah. Lots of Nazi stuff. From that popular Nazi thing the kids all like. You know, White Supremacy?
Let's just say I am not looking forward to which other lists I may now be on if this is just the start of my "hey, Nazi stuff!" catalog receiving future.
Mostly, though, the catalog is meant to sell incredibly inexpensive instruments of death and mayhem. Many, many bladed instruments perfect for creating a rich fantasy life wherein one protects oneself and, no doubt, that one girl from your Algebra II class from faceless attackers. And she falls in love with your and your bravery.
And, if you look closely there in the bottom left corner, a magic set! If you're also feeling whimsical.
There's a lot of sort of "ad from a comic book" type survivalist items in there, lots of things with skulls, and the somehow ominpresent Wolverine-claws that should be just taken away from anyone who thinks they need those in their home. But, really, who doesn't need a $20 cobra headed sword cane?
Like I said, the prices on these items make no damn sense unless someone is building up a rogue redneck army who will fight hand-to-hand while LARPing White Wolf games.
If you order any item off this page, you're automagically placed on an FBI watch list. Because if you're wearing your skull mask while listening in on your neighbors while packing your scary knife and your 1-Million-Volt Stun Cane, and you ever thought you needed a scrotum-shaped key ring... or you plan to start wearing real human testicles in any fashion, the authorities might as well learn about you before you can do any real harm.
There are also illegal weapons sold in the catalog. Brass knuckles sold as a "paper weight" and lots of switch blades sold as "folding knives".
Now, my only theory as to why I got this catalog is a bit convoluted, but here goes.
An insert for buying some sort of coin from someone else fell out of the catalog, and there were a few "medallions" sold inside. I bought a Superman coin from the Royal Canadian Mint a while back. I kind of wonder if there's not some Venn Diagram of folks who are buying coins and gold and silver and there's some sort of place where the survivalist "I don't want Obama knowing what I'm buying" meets with the need to have survivalist gear and your own pole-arm.
It certainly doesn't make any sense. The scariest knife I own I use to cut up apples, I have no particular desire to celebrate my Anglo heritage, and I try to refrain from using more than 9 volts at a time to shock people.
Still, the link is above. Get yourself a sword or something.