Canon Watch: Conan The Barbarian (1982)

Watched:  04/12/2026

Format:  BluRay

Viewing:  I have no idea

Director:  John Milius 

Conan the Barbarian (1982) is not for everyone.  And were it released now, it would have social media film people absolutely up in arms.  

I confess I've never read any Robert E. Howard, and maybe I need to fix that.  He is a Texas boy, after all.  But since the last time I watched the movie, I did read both the Prose and Poetic Eddas.  And what Howard was up to, and what this movie was up to - and what a lot of heroic fiction of the past was doing - all feels much more part of a lineage.  

The movie exists in a world far removed from a 2020's concept of "heroes act thusly" - something I am obviously behind as someone who felt like 2025's Superman and the TV show Superman and Lois finally got the character right on screen.  But that doesn't make me naive as a reader or person - that's just one type of character in one type of story.  

Canon Watch: RoboCop (1987)

buy this poster here

Watched:  04/10/2026

Viewing:  ha ha ha ha ha

Format:  BluRay (Arrow Deluxe)

Director:  Paul Verhoeven

For some reason my Threads.com algorithm kept showing me people discussing RoboCop (1987), and I realized that it had been some time since I'd actually watched the movie.  Not that I have to.  It's one of the movies I've seen so many times I have recall of every scene in the movie - if not the exact dialog, I have the imagery of each scene locked in my brain.  

Why RoboCop?  I know I've mentioned this, but when I was 12, we were visiting my grandparents and my mom wanted us out of the house to talk about something with my grandparents, so we were taken to a one-screen theater in Ishpeming, Michigan where my brother and I watched the movie. 

Comedy Watch: The Naked Gun (2025)

Watched:  04/09/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Akiva Shaffer

This is the second time I'd seen this.  Holds up.  I laughed.

New Chabert for the Holidays? (I'm predicting July)

what the hell are they looking at?

 

I have a suspicion that Hallmark is going to release this Christmas movie during Christmas in July.

I don't know, obviously.  But it's still early April and today Lacey Chabert released the poster for this movie that Hallmark very loudly announced they were producing back in December.  And it *is* exciting.  A Disney/ Hallmark collab?  Like peanut butter and Nutella.  

So, it struck me...  Disney is likely making this movie to convince people to come to the parks/ resorts for Christmas.  And if you tell people to book a vacation for December in October, it's way too late.  But during the summer?  Still time to book that trip.  And sell your house so you can afford it.

Now, maaaaaybe Disney is all in on Christmas and wants to release this during the holiday season, but... ha ha ha... no.  This is probably going to be 3 parts Hallmark movie, 2 parts travel brochure.  And that's fine!  

So let's have a watch party

When they announce the release date, whenever it is, I'll organize something.  We'll have cocktails, toast Chabert, Mickey and Hallmark.  Just be ready to use Google Chat.

Wise Noir Watch: The Captive City (1952)

Watched:  04/06/2026

Format:  Amazon Prime

Viewing:  Second

Director:  Robert Wise

So, this is the second time I watched this particular film.  Here's the first.  Apparently just before COVID hit.  

A lot of what I'd say is in that first write-up.  But to recap:

The story is about an editor at a small-ish town newspaper figuring out that (a) the mob has moved in on his town and taken over the penny ante gambling operation bringing it into a combination and (b) the people of his town are maybe way more invested in a bit of low-stakes gambling than who gets the house cut.  

Our hero, John Forsythe, is pulled in when a private detective who tried to tell him about the racketeers is killed.  Then, a key witness is murdered and its made to look like a suicide.

The power of the press is quashed when local business interests pull their advertising, threatening the paper's financial stability.  

However, good 'ol real-life Senator Estes Kefauver has established an anti-mob task force, and Our Hero sees this as his salvation.  Kefauver, a ridiculous publicity hound, signed on *after* the movie had been shot, and added himself to the movie.

I think in 2026, the movie is a curious artifact, and not just because it reminds you Kefauver may be remembered beyond his expiration date thanks to his publicity stunts.  But also, in the past decade apparently we have up on making gambling illegal and sports books exist very profitably online.  There's even sports books right inside many professional sports facilities.  

Anyway, really excited about the epidemic of sports betting that's out there ruining lives.  (We really need to take a hard look at our weirdo culture of 24/7 sports talk and sports books available at the touch of a button.)

As a Robert Wise movie, first - it's from his production company, Aspen Pictures.  The budget isn't what Wise was playing with at the major studios, but his ability as a director is still absolutely there.  He's getting the most out of the talent on hand (most of whom you won't know) and there's some great cinematography that really leans into the tension. 

It really is interesting as it sort of refuses to have a single heavy at the center of the story, and instead is more of a crippling realization that when crime gets its hands into the right places and everyone wins, rooting out the problem is incredibly hard.  Who do you even go for?  If even the clergy thinks it's impossible to get their parishioners to quit the gambling or turn away from what they make on book?  Seems bad.  And I'm not sure if the Federal Government really is the magic bullet solution the movie presents. 

Hitchcock Watch: Rope (1948)

Watched:  04/02/2026

Format:  BluRay

Viewing:  First

Director:  Hitchcock

This was my first time watching Rope (1948).  For some reason I have massive gaps in my Hitchcock viewing, and I do a poor job of just getting over myself and putting the movies on.  

From even back when I was in film school, I came to believe that this movie was mostly just one big technical trick, but that the movie itself wasn't very good - which is why I never bothered watching the film.  The description was always that it was a lesser movie.  But I literally don't know what the @#$% those people are talking about.  Rope slapped.

Yes, it is several long takes stitched together - and a technical trick trying to do something novel where the technology just wasn't there.  Film reels were only so long in 1948, and camera equipment was hefty.  And I'm kind of left to wonder if Hitchcock watched Lady in the Lake and thought "that's not the trick.  The trick is to let the camera be the camera but keep it running - let the audience feel they're in the room."

And, especially in the third act, I found all of that incredibly effective.  

It doesn't hurt that the movie has a few things I like in general:

90's Superhero Watch: The Rocketeer (1991)

Watched:  04/01/2026

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Joe Johnston

I can't put my finger on why, but I just felt like watching a movie where someone blew up a bunch of Nazis trying to operate on American soil.  

So, I saw The Rocketeer in the theater back in 1991.  Even 16-year-old me was thrilled it was going to have airplanes and a guy from a comic book and pre-1960's styling.  And it was going to have that girl from Labyrinth!  

Watching it now is a completely different experience but no less joyful.  Back then I didn't get all the references and nods which the movie crams in left and right, using the movie almost as an excuse to reward Hollywood nostalgia nuts.

However, I recall being very *aware* of The Rocketeer as a comic property before the movie came out because comic fan mags and catalogs featured Dave Stevens' Bettie Page inspired art that was used to promote the property.  However, I couldn't find the actual comics.  And, a bit like some pics of P'Gell from The Spirit, it gave me some very wrong ideas about what the comic book was when I finally read it.  

Supergirl (2026) Trailer is Up

Heyyyy!!!  The second Supergirl trailer is up.

You can watch the trailer from YouTube here:

Here's that Teaser Trailer from earlier:

I mean, so far, so good.  It's a very particular take, and very far from her first appearance in 1959.  Which, you know, is fun...  but would never work in a million years as a movie now.  The closest we'll get to that is Helen Slater, and then some of what Melissa Benoist brought to the screen.

I don't mind the traumatized refugee take - it absolutely makes sense.   And, frankly, the comic they're using as the bones for this movie is a gorgeous, memorable story (Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow).  

So far, I like Milly Alcock.  The look and feel all feels spot on.  So, sure!  Looks like a blast.

Do I have qualms?  No, man.  I don't.  I am not here to outsmart a trailer that looks perfectly nifty.  At this point in my life I just say "is this for me?"  And I think this is.  Sometimes I'm right, sometimes I'm wrong.

Totter Noir Watch: Under the Gun (1951)

Watched:  03/29/2026

Format:  Sketchy Russian Site/ Archive.org

Viewing:  First

Director:  Ted Tetzlaff

So, because the studios are dumb and don't make their older movies easily available, I watched this on a sketchy Russian site (link above).  And I wanted to watch this movie. In fact, I would have paid real American dollars to watch this movie.  

"Why watch this one?" you ask.  It has (in order of interest) Audrey Totter, Richard Conte, Sam Jaffe and John McIntire.  And was a crime flick I'd not seen discussed anywhere except for one still I saw go by on social media a couple of months back.

Conte plays a mobster who has gone to Miami from NYC, and while there found singer Audrey Totter,* who he plans to bring back to New York and make a star.  Totter is wary, but knows this could be her big break, and so jumps in a car with Conte and his two heavies.

Apeman Watch: Tarzan and the She-Devil (1953)

Watched:  03/28/2026

Format:  TCM

Viewing:  First

Director:  Kurt Neumann

I wasn't planning to watch Tarzan and the She-Devil (1953), but had it on, and Cheetah the Chimp was carrying a rifle and I was like "yeah, okay...  I'll finish this movie".  

This isn't Johnny Weissmuller, it's Lex Barker* as Tarzan and Joyce MacKenzie as Jane.  It also co-stars Raymond Burr(!) as a Great White Hunter-type, Tom Conway as a cuckold and Monique van Vooren as Lyra, the titular She-Devil.  

Lyra is mostly just a woman of means who knows her own mind and doesn't let men dictate her life, which makes her a She-Devil.  She also would like to be on Tarzan, but that's par for the course in these movies.  

Wise Sci-Fi Watch: The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951)

Watched:  03/23/2026

Format:  YouTubeTV

Viewing:  3rd or 4th

Director:  Robert Wise

Hey!  Happy 75th birthday, Gort!

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) is a landmark for science fiction, especially in cinema, and would help launch a thousand imitators in the years to come (thanks, Ed Wood!).  It's also an A picture, which for Sci-Fi in the post WWII era must have been something.  We're still five years before Forbidden Planet would launch the notion that would birth Star Trek.   Notably, it was released the same year as the doomsday epic, When Worlds Collide.  

A flying saucer arrives and circles Earth, eventually settling on the lawn across from the White House.  The whole world knows this is happening, and we get international news reports (is this the first use of this trope in a scifi movie?).  Hours after landing, the craft opens and a man in a space suit emerges, who a soldier waits all of about 45 seconds to shoot for no reason.  A giant, metallic robot emerges, threatening everyone with weapons - atomizing guns, tanks, cannons, etc... with a beam from its face.

Our hero, Klaatu the space man, turns out to be Michael Rennie - He looks and speaks just like a normal man.  When world leaders refuse to meet to hear him out, he becomes frustrated, steals some clothes and bolts from Walter Reed.  With great luck, he winds up in a boarding house where Patricia Neal is dwelling with her son, and he uses the name "Carpenter".

Valerie Perrine Merges With the Infinite

Our beloved Miss Teschmacher from Superman: The Movie, one Ms. Valerie Perrine, has passed.  She was 82.

Perrine starred in movies like Slaughterhouse-Five, Lenny and Can't Stop the Music.  She was such a fan favorite in Superman: The Movie that, despite being an original character for that movie, the character has shown up over and over in other Superman adaptations, from Smallville (Tess Mercer) to  Supergirl to the 2025 Superman film, played by Sara Sampaio.

Perrine had been ill for some years, but had maintained a presence online, seeming cheery despite her condition.

We'll miss knowing she's out there.

You can assist with funeral expenses by going to this gofundme.  

80's Fantasy Watch: The Neverending Story (1984)

I'm with the horse by the last 30 minutes

Watched:  03/22/2026

Format:  YouTube

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Wolfgang Petersen (I know, right?)

An absolutely seminal movie of my youth - I really grew to dislike this movie over the years.  Sorry, nostalgia fans.  

I saw it in the theater opening week, and Gmork, that big wolf, scared me so bad, I remember exiting for the men's room.  But that was fine.  I know I saw it a couple more times, but it wasn't one that landed with me as a kid in the way of other films.  I didn't identify with Bastian or Atreyu, they were just kids in a movie with neat FX.  It was fine, but not a favorite.

When I was 14, I was signed up to babysit a kid, and somehow got my hands on a copy of the movie so we watched it - and I realized - "hey, this movie isn't very good".  Like, it looks neat, it has some memorable set pieces.  But there's no story in the Neverending Story (1984).  I mean, there is - but it's all meta stuff about a kid who reminded me of the kids at school who just never got their shit together and always looked like they might cry (middle school was going to eat Bastian alive).

Action Comedy Watch: Novocaine (2025)

Watched:  03/21/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Dan Berk/ Robert Olsen

This movie hits that awkward spot of being "fine".  It's more or less what you were expecting from the trailer - a bit better in some spots, and a bit lacking in others, but when you saw the trailer you were like "I know exactly what this will be".  And you were 85% correct, with that remaining 15% not exactly blowing the doors off.

Novocaine (2025) should maybe have been like, one episode of a show.  The concept is both interesting and wildly limiting, and the story here is not really enough to fill the runtime of a whole movie.  And the movie around the concept is just boilerplate action stuff that feels deeply constrained by budget.  

But it's also not bad.  I wouldn't say that.  It's fine.  It's deeply gross at times, maybe a bit hard to watch in a scene or two.  And maybe weirdly should not have named the condition that our lead is supposedly suffering from, as it exists and sounds very rough.  It's kind of like turning epilepsy into a super power for a movie.  Maybe a fictional condition would have sufficed.

Canon Watch: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Watched:  03/21/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  John Carpenter

I'm glad they kept making movies after Big Trouble in Little China (1986), but what, really, has been the point?

Sci-Fi Watch: Project Hail Mary (2026)

Watched:  03/21/2026

Format:  Regal

Viewing:  First

Director:  Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

Not so long ago, we read the novel of Project Hail Mary, which we discussed here at the ol' interweb log.

I enjoyed the book a great deal - just as I'd enjoyed Weir's first book, The Martian.  And like that book, it received the big screen treatment, which I thoroughly enjoyed and have rewatched in part and in whole.

First:  Go see this in the theater.  It will be fine on your TV or laptop, it is - however - a movie designed for the big screen and benefits from the image size and quality, plus the audio experience.  And maybe even the audience reaction.

Like the novel, the book is told in the present as an amnesiac awakens in a spacecraft with the other two crewmates deceased and, as he discovers, light years from Earth as the craft he's in approaches a nearby star.  Grace recovers his memories in flashbacks that fill in the gaps for himself and the viewer as he progresses, eventually realizing things about himself.

The impetus for the trip is that the sun has seen something called The Petrova Line form between Earth and Venus, and something about that effect means the sun is starting to dim - the predictable effects meaning Earth will become a frozen wasteland within 3 decades.  The star he's heading toward is not fading, and Earth needs to know why.

Noir Watch: Crime of Passion (1956)

Watched:  03/20/2026

Format:  TCM Noir Alley on DVR

Viewing:  First

Director:  Gerd Oswald

I was a bit shocked to learn I'd never seen or heard of a movie co-starring Barbara Stanwyck and Sterling Hayden, with Raymond Burr.  And a noir, nonetheless.  

Look, over the years I've really come to think of Stanwyck as *the best at what she does*, something Eddie Muller discusses in his pre-amble to the movie.  She's just incredible in versatility, range, and believability in everything she does.  And this movie is no exception.  I love Hayden, but Sterling Hayden shows up and is Sterling Hayden in everything he does.  Raymond Burr has three modes I've seen - big brute with a brain, Perry Mason and yelling about Godzilla.  And that's okay.  But Stanwyck is the focus here, and she's fantastic.  

She plays a career-gal reporter - no longer a young woman - stuck doing a sob sister column and asked to get "the woman's angle" on stories.  During a murder investigation she first gets her big break and national attention, and meets a detective played by Sterling Hayden.  

Wise Noir Watch: The House on Telegraph Hill (1951)

Watched: 03/20/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  Third

Director:  Robert Wise

I saw this one initially with JeniferSF at Noir City at the Castro.  And then gave it another spin just two years ago.  

Based on a stage play (someone should do this one) it's an interesting film that feels like, emotionally, it pulls a bit from Rebecca and a bit from Laura, what with the huge portrait hanging over the hearth that seems to stare back at the cast, a ghost judging everyone.

A Polish refugee (Valentina Cortesa) from a concentration camp steals the identity of her friend - hoping to have a life on the other side of losing everything in the war.  The friend had a rich aunt to whom she'd sent her infant son, but as no one knows what the friend looks like - she figures she could pass.  

However, by the time she makes it to the US to find the relation, the aunt has died and left everything to the boy.  A relation (Richard Basehart) has adopted the boy, and when Cortesa meets Basehart in New York, he decides she's the one for him, and marries her.

Now in San Francisco, there's a nanny for the boy who is just creepy and possessive (think Mrs. Danvers from Rebecca).  And, as a shocker, the kind US Army Major who was helping our hero at the concentration camp shows up - he's a friend of the family and an attorney in SF.  And clearly would gladly be on our hero given the chance.

Anyway - things go very sideways.

SPOILERS

Chuck Norris Merges With The Infinite

Chuck Norris - sometime Texan, internet meme, ace martial artist, actor, star of B-movies and the long running Walker: Texas Ranger - has passed.

Anti-Western Watch: McCabe & Mrs. Miller (1971)

for reasons I don't understand, all of the posters for this movie are bangers

Watched:  03/19/2026

Format:  TCM on DVR

Viewing:  First

Director:  Robert Altman

A much beloved Robert Altman movie that was part of the new Hollywood movement and a "revisionist" Western, I'd long heard this was one to see.  And as a movie that was part of a specific moment in movie history, and a very watchable movie - glad I did.

We're 55 years out from the release of this movie, and the mythology of the expansion of the West carved out in the pulps, dime novels and movies has been exploded endlessly during my lifetime, with very little made to reinforce the supposed white and black hats of the cowboy movies.*

Warren Beatty plays someone who may or may not be named John McCabe, a gambler who is smarter than the dum-dums out at the mining town he stumbles upon, but nowhere near as smart as he believes himself to be.  McCabe sees an opportunity and starts a saloon and brothel.  Out of nowhere, a Mrs. Miller (Julie Christie) appears, offering to run the place for McCabe.