Chabert Watch! Tart (2001)

I don't make the posters, I just post them

Watched:  05/05/2025

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director/ Writer:  Christina Wayne

Watching Tart (2001) feels very much like when you're a middle-class kid with middle-class experiences and you get stuck in a conversation with someone your age who has no idea that they're upper-class.  You mostly sit there in polite silence as they have no idea that every sentence coming out of their mouth is dripping with privilege, classism, and unearned self-pity because Mumsie and Daddy left them behind and went to St. Bart's for two weeks, during which time they were left with a stack of money, a huge house and just the butler and maid, and it was so unfair and they better get to go to (insert place middle class kids never heard of) next year!

Chabert Watch! Dirty Deeds (2005)

greetings ladies and gentlemen - I'll be your unnecessarily smug dope of a lead for the evening

Watched:  05/04/2025

Format:  Legitimately obtained video

Viewing:  First

Director:  David Kendall

I can't think of a movie where I've heard the soundtrack doing more heavy lifting than this weirdly soggy flick from the 90's/00's-era of dude-centric teen comedies that maybe peaked with American Pie.  But I wasn't a teen then, and I didn't watch most of these flicks.  

What's oddest about Dirty Deeds (2005) is that it *should* have been as straightforward as one could be.  It has a boilerplate plot of a guy who has to complete a punchlist of tasks in an academy/ academic setting - and he's a wildcard!  What should be a wacky, charming series of shenanigans with a dollop of heart is, instead, a clutch of unfunny incidents, some of which are straight concerning.  

But, yeah, 

Muppet Watch: The Dark Crystal (1982)

Watched:  05/02/2025

Format:  Disney+

Viewing:  Unknown

Director:  Jim Henson

I remember seeing The Dark Crystal (1982) in the theater as a kid and it absolutely blowing my mind.  

Fantasy films were certainly a thing for kids in the wake of Star Wars, and Henson was already everywhere, from The Muppet Show to Empire Strikes Back.  But all of those fantasy films, that were live action, always starred humans.  I mean, understandably so.  

But for 90 minutes, Henson and Co. managed to create a world that had not a person in sight, a world both grounded in physical reality and utterly fantastic.  Taking what he'd learned from his many years of shows, commercials, movies, etc...  and getting his feet wet with things as different as Sesame Street and Emmet Otter, and enlisting artist Brian Froud, he cooked up this world. 

Marvel Watch: Thunderbolts* (2025)

Watched:  05/01/2025

Format:  Alamo 

Viewing:  First

Director:  Jake Schrierer

SPOILERS for a new movie

I won't belabor Marvel's trials and travails, real and imagined, over the past few years.  We all know the narrative.  It's not one I necessarily agree with, but it's out there.  

Does Thunderbolts feel different from other recent Marvel stuff?  Yes. In some ways.  Mostly the ways in which you don't feel like this movie fell out of a Marvel continuity Mad Lib generator that requires you remember what happened in a movie in 2009. It does the continuity thing correctly - we've seen almost everyone in this movie before - if you watched all the Marvel stuff (and I have, minus the What If? shows).   They don't break that continuity and may refer to it - but I think the story itself makes sense without all that, as long as you listen to what the characters say about themselves. 

Our characters are from the Black Widow film (White Widow, Red Guardian), Ant-Man and The Wasp (Ghost), Captain America (Bucky) and Falcon and the Winter Soldier (Valentina, John Walker).  It's a good mix.  Plus, Bob.

Chabert Watch: Being Michael Madsen (2007)

Watched:  04/29/2025

Format:  Legitimately obtained video

Viewing:  First

Director:  Michael Mongillo

There's nuggets of a couple of ideas in Being Michael Madsen (2007) that are very good ideas.  Unfortunately, this was not the movie to execute on those ideas.  And you know you're in trouble from the very start when the faux-documentary alerts you it will be bleeping out *real* brand names for legal reasons (sigh) and then rolls like three quotes before the first shot of video.  

Yeah, this is a fake documentary - about a documentary that we will never get to see.  Or is it the documentary?  It's not clear.  I do know this movie is also a weird mix of wildly pretentious nonsense that believes it's very clever and maybe poking fun at itself for being pretentious.  But, hoo boy, it's kind of like when someone is being pretentious but isn't quite smart enough to actually pull it off, but they're Dunning-Kruegering their way into believing they're the smartest person in the room.

Chabert Horror Watch! The Ghost of Goodnight Lane (2014)

Watched:  04/27/2025

Format:  Tubi

Viewing:  First

Director:  Alin Bijan

Goodnight Lane is a very real street in northwest Dallas, where the Ghost of Goodnight Lane (2014) takes place, and was filmed, at least in part.  And if there's one spooky thing in this world, it is Dallas sprawl and suburbs.

The best thing about this movie is that Billy Zane is having a good time.  He knows what this movie is, and he's just happy to be there and dick around.  And, really, this movie is just an excuse for the filmmakers to have a good time and make a low-stakes horror-comedy.  It is silly.  It knows it's silly.  It is critic and taste proof.  If you don't like it, that's kind of on you, audience.  And the fact this exists in this form is proof I don't know how movie-making works.

The Ghost of Goodnight Lane is weirdly full of B to Z list working actors out of LA.  I say this, because this movie has the vibe that it doesn't feel like it should have anyone in it but local talent from the DFW area.  But it has Billy Zane and Lacey Chabert.  And still manages to look like a movie shot by people playing with equipment more than a movie that came out in 2014.  Like, it's weird to see real actors in set-ups and with lighting I associate with movies made by folks usually casting their pals, just something fun to enter into horror film festivals.  

It's maybe not Ouija Shark bad, but... 

So I wonder about the proposition for getting the financing - provided our writer/ director didn't finance himself. Did they blow it all on getting who they got?  The FX?  Which are brief but pretty okay for what this is?

Coogler Watch: Sinners (2025)

Watched:  04/26/2025

Format:  Drafthouse

Viewing:  First

Director:  Ryan Coogler

I guess Marshall is my "there's a vampire movie out, we're going" buddy.  And, really, Marshall was the ideal movie buddy for this one.  He's an avid music fan, a musician, and his rock sensibilities - when I met him in the early 1990's - were blues-based.  He's also a fan of vampire flicks, although I don't think I've convinced him to watch the Hammer vampire flicks yet. 

In addition, Marshall is well-read, and with an academic background in creative fiction, his critical analysis is always impressive.  But he refused to send me a blog post for this movie so that I didn't have to write one.  He is refusing me this one simple request, and so I am hoping if I butter him up enough with this high praise, next time, he'll do it.

Anyway - count me in with the people who loved Sinners (2025), and am excited about seeing it again.

SPOILERS

Chabert Watch! Mean Girls (2004)

Watched:  04/25/2025

Format:  Paramount+

Viewing:  second

Director:  Mark Waters

Back when we were doing the podcast, we should have done this movie as part of our "high school movies series".  Alas, we didn't get to it.  

But if you listened to those episodes, you would have come across my inability to access a lot of high school movies, largely because I felt they offered a false proposition:  that in high school, there existed a clique people aspired to join or who were a group to emulate or who had influence.  And that those people were varying levels of mean.

I have since learned:  no, man, that may have just been you (me).    Maybe because I moved to a new school and no one explained to me who was supposed to be "popular".  And if that was going to shake out at the first high school I attended, I missed it gelling as I moved away after Freshman year.

So, that was my context the first time I watched this.  I've kind of accepted since that some people very much felt in and out of groups in high school, and carry that feeling for life.  I think it's why everyone - if you ask them - will tell you how they were an outsider in high school, but the math doesn't add up.  You can't have 99% outsiders.  And I've never heard anyone say "actually, I was super cool in high school".

Noir Watch: Tension (1949)

Watched:  04/26/2025

Format:  TCM

Viewing:  lol

Director:  John Berry

Whoops, I watched Tension (1949) again.

In my defense, it stars both Audrey Totter and Cyd Charisse and I really had no choice.

Chabert Watch: In My Sleep (2010)

"genuinely suspenseful"

Watched:  04/25/2025

Format:  Tubi

Viewing:  First

Writer/ Director:  Allen Wolf

Oh my.  Spoilers.

This is an entire movie about a guy who should have done very obvious things when confronted with monumental problems.  But then we would not have a movie.

I get it.  This is a movie that started as someone's desire to create a "Hitchockian" mystery thriller, found a premise, and worked backward from there.  The premise no doubt started as "how do you tell a story about a guy who needs to solve a murder, but he may have committed said murder himself?"  Ah ha!  I saw cartoons. Sleepwalking.  Sleep driving.   Sleep sexing!  This guy does it all!

The first obvious thing - He kinda/ sorta begins to seek treatment for this condition with medication at the beginning of the film - but only after he somehow sleep-sexes his best friend's wife.  Btw, she's far from the first woman he's apparently had luck with whilst sleepwalking, we're told.*  Also: He's been driving.  He's been wandering around in his undies.  He is a mess.  He keeps waking up in odd places.  With 0% bodyfat.

After a birthday party, attended entirely by his married pal and women he has slept with (I mean... honestly... why?) Our Hero learns the best friend's wife was murdered and found by his father's grave.  Kinda sus.