Saturday, December 18, 2021

Christmas Watch: Miracle on 34th Street (1947)




Watched:  12/18/2021
Format:  HBOmax
Viewing:  ha ha ha
Decade:  1940's
Director:  George Seaton

Look, we watch this every year.  I'm not writing it up.  And this site is very clear on its pro-Maureen O'Hara stance.



Christmas Watch: A Castle For Christmas (2021)




Watched:  12/18/2021
Format:  Netflix
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2020's
Director:  Mary Lambert

So.  This movie featured Brooke Shields and so I watched it.  I feel like I don't need to explain that. 

I don't understand the whole thing about Scotland and Ireland and romance, but it is a thing.  Usually it involves great hair and moors.  This movie lacks moors, it just has great hair.  

Oh, Charlotte Bronte, what hath thou wrought?

Anyway, Carey Elwes is a cranky Scottish Duke who lives in a castle.  Brooke Shields is a romance writer who has written a controversial ending to her novel series and pissed off her fans and Drew Barrymore calls her out on it, saying she's letting her divorce influence her thinking (she is right).

Brooke's family is from Scotland and has connections to the castle - so she flees there.  There's a dog, some nice folks at the pub, and I'm sure other stuff.  

Anyway - you can fill in the rest.  But Brooke looks smashing.



Christmas Watch Party Finale! "Adventures of Bailey: Christmas Hero" (2012)




Watched:  12/17/2021
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2010's
Director:  Steve Franke


I have to ask Producer/ Director/ Writer/ Actor Steve Franke - what is this, Steve Franke?  Because our Amazon Watch Party is pretty convinced that this movie is somehow a tax write-off scam.  

Look, I am second to none in adoring large, silly dogs.  And this movie has two white golden retrievers as stars of the movie, and they are pretty great.  It also has other dogs, a pack of alpacas or llamas (I don't know the difference), and in two insert shots, a fucking bear. 

I guess this is a Christmas movie, but it's also a quest movie if your quest is two fluffy dogs just running hither and yon around fields in Texas.  Also, a separate quest for the scared kid looking for his dogs.  CHRISTMAS.

Friday, December 17, 2021

Alone in the Dark at Christmas - 2021




Christmas can be quiet.  It can be lonesome, even as you sit by the light of the tree or walk streets strung with garland and decorations.

So, every year I tweak it a bit, but I do keep a playlist of songs called Alone in the Dark at Christmas.  Here's this year's offering.  Use it wisely.  


Christmas Watch Party - Friday 12/17



We're careening ever closer to the holiday - but this Friday marks our final Christmas Watch Party of 2021.  And, boy howdy, do we have an excellent film picked out all for YOU.

No, we won't tell you what it is.  Or why.  Or how.  Or if you'll forgive us.

But it is going to blow your wee little minds!

Day:  December 17th (Friday!)
Time:  8:30 Central
Service:  Amazon 
Cost:  $0




Thursday, December 16, 2021

Hallmark Christmas Watch: The Nine Kittens of Christmas (2021)




Watched:  12/15/2021
Format:  DVR of Hallmark
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2020's
Director:  D. Winning

So, a few years back I noted that occasional Superman and Ray Palmer actor Brandon Routh had signed up for a Hallmark movie.  It makes sense.  He films in Canada all the time, anyway.  Might as well get a little scratch between seasons of TV and whatever else he's up to.  

What I remembered about the movie was (late edit: I had not seen all of this movie):  Routh was a fireman, he was doing home maintenance, a cat was involved, and the love interest could also act (Hallmark has to balance how terrible their leads are, and many of them are truly wooden robots).  But a lot of name folks pass through the Hallmark factory every year, so I enjoyed it for what it was and then chucked the movie from anything resembling RAM in my head.  

Well, lo and behold, someone scraped enough pennies together and got the cast back together from the cat-related movie and came up with a concept for a sequel.  If one or two cats worked - why not 9?

Wednesday, December 15, 2021

Christmas Watch: It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947)




Watched:  12/13/2021
Format:  HBOmax
Viewing:  First
Decade:  1940's
Director:  Roy Del Ruth

The handling of media in regards to its availability in any format is such a weird animal.  As is the impact of media long after the media originally played and to whom.

It's a Wonderful Life famously did mediocre box office (released *after* Christmas in January for some reason).  Contemporary critics shrugged it off as sappy (it is, but...), and it fell into public domain access to become a holiday staple as the movie was cheap to show.  Repeated viewings and a new appreciation of the film eventually found the film its audience.  And, of course, now It's a Wonderful Life is *the* American holiday media.  Heck, I have a poster for it in my stairwell I see several times per day.

I only recently heard of It Happened on 5th Avenue (1947), which I chalked up to the fact it didn't star anyone I really knew (except Alan Hale Jr. in a supporting part).  But it seems the movie just basically disappeared for 20 years, from 1990-2010.  For me, personally, those were kind of some big years there as I was doing legwork looking for new old films.  Why did it disappear?  I have literally no idea.  But I can tell you, unless there's a community of film nerds clamoring for a film, the studios may not care.  The catalog may just be sitting there ready for exploitation, but most of the audience for movies would rather see something brand new but terrible than black and white, but excellent.  

PODCAST 174: "The Apartment" (1960) - Christmas 2021 w/ Maxwell and Ryan


Watched:  12/07/2021
Format:  Amazon
Viewing:  Second
Decade:  1960's
Director:  Billy Wilder




Just in time for Christmas, Maxwell steps off the elevator to join us for a discussion on a cinema classic by one of the great directors. Join us as we borrow a little time and space, and go over one of the best films in the filmography of one of the best directors of the mid-20th century. It may not have much to do with Santa, but it's a reflection of the holiday season from a certain POV!




Music:
The Apartment Theme - Adolph Deutsch


Christmas Playlist 2021

Tuesday, December 14, 2021

Christmas Comedy Watch: A Clüsterfünke Christmas (2021)




Watched:  12/12/2021
Format:  On VOD from Pop
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2020's
Director:  Anna Dakoza


Hallmark movies have now been around long enough that you do spot spoofs and satires.  This is the second one I've spotted just this year, the other I need to finish (The Bitch Who Stole Christmas, which appears to be a whole thing).  

A Clüsterfünke Christmas (2021) is the kind of spoof you kind of crave, but also think won't be as good as you hope.  But, in the rarest of Christmas miracles, it was actually consistently funny for the runtime of the movie.  It never gets lost in the machinery of telling a story or caring what happens to anyone and remembers that it's job is to insert a joke every 30 seconds.  But, you know, the film both stars and was written by Ana Gasteyer and Rachel Dratch, so - trusted sources.  

Christmas Watch Party: The Tree That Saved Christmas (2014)




Watched:  12/10/2021
Format:  Amazon Watch Party
Viewing:  First
Decade:  2010's
Director:  David Winning

At some point we had the Up! Network, which was all positive vibes and Christian messaging, if memory serves.  Basically Hallmark Network, but a little more toothless and less competent.  During the Christmas Movie Wars of a few years back, when Hallmark was running 3 networks 24/7 from October 20th on, Lifetime was in the game, and one or two more - UP! showed up with its offerings which somehow were the Dollar Store equivalent of Hallmark Channel's Target merchandise.  With both Netflix and Amazon in the game now, I'm not sure Up! is still playing, but in 2014 - they reached for the brass ring on the tiny shoulders of Lacey Chabert.

Lacey Chabert, the Queen of Nice and a Hallmark staple, was clearly shown the money by Up, who lured her in for The Tree That Saved Christmas.  Which is a confusing movie.  

It feels like an alien watched Hallmark movies, took random bits from them, missed some key bits, wrote a script, and then the aliens deeply underbudgeted and no one had any money after getting Chabert.