Thursday, June 14, 2012

I will not buy Superman products featuring a Superman with a Preposterously Large Head

If you ask Jamie, she'll tell you that I will buy just any old thing with an "S" Shield on it.  Cups.  Underwear.  Towels.  Dog bowls.  And there's some truth to that.  But something I've always steered away from are Superman items that depict Superman, but with a weird-shaped head or a disproportionate head.

Take the upcoming Superman USB drive from Mimobot for example.

NOPE.  Not gonna do it.

I suppose that part of it is that Superman really is just a guy with blue eyes and dark hair.  Any time you mess with that look, now you're just distending some dude's head, and not in a particularly funny or fun way.

if I have to explain why this is right and the USB drive Superman is wrong, we may need to start over from scratch  with this whole blogging enterprise

I've avoided purchasing Superman "wacky wobblers" or "boobleheads", any number of plush dolls of Superman, and a few other toys because something freaks me out about Superman toys with misshapen heads.

Why must the body be so tiny and somewhat all in proportion, but the head so huge but still fairly accurate otherwise?  Why does this look okay to some of you out there?  IT FREAKS ME OUT.

But somehow the less human Superman looks, the more I can deal with it.  For example, Funko's Superman plush is just fine!  I like it.

a perfect gift for any child
But once you add lips and cheekbones, I kind of freak out.

by all that is good and holy, GET IT AWAY
I'm sure it seems like an arbitrary sort of thing to find despicable in a collectible, and I have no idea what happened to me in my youth to make me feel this way, but there it is.

and now... 2300 words on how much more freaky than all that I find Wonder Woman with a giant head.


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