Chabert Watch: Paris is Always a Good Idea

As the internet's least likely source for Chabert coverage, I knew I'd need to watch the six-episode series, Paris is Always a Good Idea, which just released the final episode on August 27th.  Yeah, six fairly long episodes!  Way to spread the butter thin, Hallmark.

There are always two ways to watch a Hallmark film or TV show.  Hallmark's preference is to exist in a world where romance is simply that - romantic.  It's two people making googly eyes at each other, sharing two details about themselves to sound quirky, and having easily resolvable misunderstandings that wrap up in 80 minutes.  Then there's the version *not* on screen where you wonder where sex fits in.  

And, boy howdy, if you apply that most basic of human activities to this show, it kind of makes our lead look like she needs deep, deep therapy.

SPOILERS

The days of Hallmark doing Hallmark Hall of Fame is now in the past.  Those were perfectly good movies Hallmark made for TV starting in the 1950's, and I remember them from the 80's and 90's, and they'd get good actors to do them.  Most famous in my mind was Glenn Close in Sarah, Plain and Tall.  

These days, you're absolutely amazed if a movie has multiple locations and a single name talent, and doesn't 100% adhere to the strict guidelines of Hallmark.  They've cultivated their own stable of talent and don't rely on formerly-more-popular talent, except in the case of their one huge talent, Chabert.

As we've covered extensively on this site, Chabert has a unique arrangement with Hallmark where she has her own line of goods in the stores, an exclusive contract with the network, and is sort of the most popular actress on the network - so she does rounds of talk-shows, special events, etc...  Meanwhile, the other performers are scrapping together cruises and multi-city tours for the fans. (I do think everyone is friendly with each other, but you have to guess how weird it all is behind the scenes.  #justiceforsustad)

And with Chabert's star-power, she gets the pick of projects.  In this case, she got to go spend months in Europe shooting a 6-episode show, jumping from Paris to Spain to Ireland.  Not bad, when most of these are filmed in BFE, British Columbia in summer with fake snow piled around.

So what is the show about?

Chabert plays a woman working for a cancer non-profit.  She has a peer who drives her crazy, which in Hallmark's world means that he is marked in minute-one as the guy she'll fall for.  I'd say spoilers, but... come on.

Ten years ago, her mother passed from cancer, which is why she's chosen her career path.  But when her mother died, she left instructions for Chelsea, her sister and father to go to Paris and listen to an audio recording.  Chelsea could not emotionally handle this and kept her father and sister from going, somehow.  For a decade.  Why?  She's mentally ill, I think.  But not only does she not go, NO ONE ELSE CAN GO, EITHER.

Just *before* her mother grew gravely ill, Chelsea had been taking a gap year (a phrase you will become very sick of hearing) in Europe.  First in Ireland, then in Paris and then Spain.  In each place she met a guy and fell madly in love.(?)  And then left each guy.(?)  It's very confusing what she's doing other than fulfilling a romance author's fantasy of being The Most Special Girl.  However, while in Spain being romanced by a literal billionaire, she learns her mother is dying and instead of calling upon him to buy a concorde and send her home, she ghosts him and comes back to Boston.(?)

For story reasons, she refuses to fulfill her mother's one dying wish for Chelsea and her family, until a decade later she has to go to Paris to try to shake down a French cosmetics magnate for money for her charity.  She brings along her sister and dad, and, there she is told (via audio recording) by her mother to go find those three guys.

Oh, yeah, and her father has found love again with Barbara Niven.  She hates that.  Joy is bad.  He should feel bad.

A key plot point is that Chelsea's charity is doing financially very badly.  And no wonder, her boss is a boob.  He hires Knightley (I guess the winky name is cute to someone) without consulting Chelsea or to put them in the same room to see if they'll get along at all.  And they don't.  Which in Hallmark-speak is "these two should hook up, obviously".  The boss then surprises Chelsea after she's prepped for her multi-million-dollar meeting by just sending in the unprepared Knightley to "close" for her.  This is how you lose good people, Boob Boss.

The French lady is busy and puts them off, leaving charity workers stranded in Paris on the charity's dime, and so Chelsea heads off to see the dudes.  After ten years of nada.

Oh, and we're to believe Chelsea - who is the objectively attractive Chabert - has not been on a date in a decade since her mother passed.  She's "too busy" with work.

Yeah, this whole show is fucking bug nuts.  

I don't know who else, whilst in college, watched their fellow students head over to Europe for a semester abroad and then return, invariably having had hooked up with some guy in a foreign land.  Our peers would then subject us to pronouncing common words in the fashion of the country they'd spent a whole 4 months.  But holy shit, was it funny every time.  I'll never forget a classmate from suburban Houston now saying "schedule" as "shed-jewel".  Good stuff.  

The part you weren't allowed to comment on was that returned colleague waxing rhapsodic about some guy who you could tell probably was nowhere as into this and thought he has just having fun with an American. 

But this is where the whole question of that second, parallax version of a Hallmark movie comes in. 

Sooooo...  I guess Chelsea basically banged three dudes as she made her way across Europe, made each into a fairy-tale romance in her head, and then *intentionally* did not get laid for a decade because something something her mother passed. 

There's so much weird trauma going on in this scenario that goes unexplored, it melted my brain.   

Her sister is back in Europe with her, and of course prompts Chelsea to go to Ireland in search of Guy #1.  Somehow it does not occur to them that - hey - the past decade of one's 20's and 30's is usually when people are getting married and having a kid or two, building a career.  And for some reason (1) Chelsea still has everyone's contact info a decade later and (2) the dudes are all nice guys who actually return her calls and don't avoid her.  This is Hallmark land.

Oh, and all three guys attribute their success or happiness to knowing Chelsea for a few months (but never dropped into her DM's somehow).  She is The Most Special Girl.

Of course, Knightley remains in Paris, and he seems positively buoyed by Chelsea running off to see these men.  Like, he is *into* it.  Which is worrisome as he is clearly the guy she'll end up with, but we are not here to kink shame.  But, Knightley, there's a fine line between supportive and into it, my man.

Between dudes two and three, Knightley and Chelsea have a romantic few days in Paris.  They declare their love (way to rush it, y'all) and then the billionaire calls Chelsea.  Knightley, claiming he wants her to be sure, sends her to go see Rich, Handsome Man.  Not because he's giddy at the thought.

Y'all, I kind of have a hard time with the notion that (a) Chelsea the amazing fundraiser never once called this billionaire guy, and (b) this movie didn't end on the funniest note possible with Chelsea ditching her coworker and shacking up with the billionaire.  I know I could put up with a lot for just tens of millions.  Think of all the third and fourth wives who've bravely put up with insane billionaires.  You'd at least get a jet ski.

But, no, she's in love with the guy she just spent a year loathing.  So, she is going to leave Billionaire, but then he offers her a job.  And she doesn't take that, either.  Bad timing because she returns to Boston just to find out Boob Boss has run the charity into the ground, and even the cash infusion she brought will mean they just barely survive - but Knightley must be let go.

Of course, Knightley is raising his sisters who depend on him financially.  On a...  charity salary.

No one working on this movie understands money.

I haven't mentioned much about Chelsea's sister but she's apparently trying to become a shrink after her pro soccer career was ended by an injury.  She was engaged to a Premier League pro soccer player but that ended well in the past.  Her story goes nowhere, but she's more interesting than 85% of Hallmark's side characters.  One suspects maybe they're teeing us up for a sequel that will never happen, but they give us an outlet for her as Billionaire apparently can't get enough of the Martin girls as he's hitting on her in the last episode.

The framing device is Chelsea leaving Knightley an interminable voice note explaining herself.  It's both too much and cowardly.  Girl, either call or write an email.  Then edit that email down to what he needs to know.

Anyway, the last episode is our insane lead moaning over a guy she hated for a year before she banged him in Paris, and now she's convinced she's in love and supposedly misses him every day.  Girl, you miss getting laid.  Sadly, she has taken the job in Spain and must stay away so she doesn't have to tell him the only reason he has a job is because she left.  Seriously, that's why - she is afraid of emasculating him.  Any future these two have is absolutely @#$%ed as neither can say hard things to the other.  

He shows up *uninvited* at the wedding, they make out, everyone is happy.  We just don't stay with the story long enough to see he was the B-lister all along, and the girl he's *also* been pining for is maybe completely deranged.

Look, I get that people love this stuff.  Or might.  It's not on either Rotten Tomatoes or Metacritic, which means Hallmark saw no reason to share it with critics.  Which, fair.  Why would Hallmark invite getting pasted in the reviews.  They know their fans only care what they say to each other online.

Also, the music budget for this show was insane.  They have a whole Kelly Clarkson song (Chabert appeared on her talk show a few times, and maybe they're friendly?), a Belinda Carlisle song...  on a network that usually has movies scored by kittens wandering around a Casio.

What I don't know is why this is called "Paris is Always a Good Idea".  This is not a common phrase in America.  No one says it in the movie.  It's not like the family oft returns to Paris.  I assume it's covered in the book upon which the show is based, but...  something got lost, and so maybe they needed to change the title or have the reason in the movie?

Was this good?  No.  Was it fun to watch?  No.  But it was never for me, but this is how dedicated I am to the bit.  I just am fascinated that these shows and movies are made by adults, for adults, and the approach to romance is still stuck somewhere in a 9 year old's version of how this stuff works.  We all have our escapist fantasies, and this is one of them.

I will say the first and last episode were almost like a regular movie and showed what the whole thing could have been, had the premise not been thinned out and warped into a Hallmark-shaped thing.  There's actual good moments where you feel like a competent team is telling a competent story.  And then you get weighed down by what the story actually is, and... man.  You kind of wish Hallmark would find scripts and directors who can get more out of their talent.