Horror Watch: House of the Long Shadows (1983)

Watched:  10/16/2026

Format:  Amazon

Viewing:  First

Director:  Pete Walker

Like a dork, I saw who all was in this movie, got excited and hit play.  

And then the credits started with with "A Golan/ Globus Production" and I died a little inside.

House of the Long Shadows (1983) is like an aging musical super group.  Imagine you just got Jagger and Richards, paired them with Townsend and Stuart Copeland on drums, but then fronted by, like, the talentless child of Donny Osmond.*  

Anyway, the movie features my boys Vincent Price, Christopher Lee and Peter Cushing, along with John Carradine.  And then the movie stars Desi Arnaz Jr. for some reason.  It's a very Gothic, Poe-esque, Old Dark House sort of movie, which is usually a solid set-up to begin with.

In this case, our framing device is that Desi Arnaz Jr. plays a popular American writer in London to promote his novel.  He's a supposedly cynical fellow, and after a debate about the writing in things like Wuthering Heights (which makes him sound like a douche canoe) he agrees to go out to a Welsh Manor where he will write a whole novel in that style in 24 hours (the balls on this douche canoe).

Soon after his arrival, he discovers two housekeepers in the form of a elderly John Carradine and Sheila Keith.  Then, his agent's secretary shows up (Julie Peasgood) followed swiftly by Peter Cushing, Vincent Price, and then Christopher Lee.  

What spills out is a good sort of locked-room, decaying-family mystery that unfolds with great performances from the older actors just enjoying a good hang together.  But it feels like they're dragging an anchor meant for a cruise ship taking Desi Arnaz Jr. along for the ride. He'd have fit in well in a sitcom in 1983, been good, even.  He just has no gravitas, and in this company, he's just out of his weight class.

SPOILERS

The movie is also a tad predictable.  You kind of know at the beginning "everything we see will be what's in his actual novel'" and despite two fake-outs, yeah.  That's it.

Like, as you watch the movie you think "this won't be what it looks like" and sure enough, they went for both other options.  By 1983, we don't want our horror uncles and grandpas to get bumped off, even if that's the better version of the story.  

Anyway, I certainly don't regret watching this movie.  It wasn't great, but it was fun seeing my guys.

*I don't know if the Osmond children exist and/ or are talented or not.  Stick with me.